Episode 3: A Life Without Regrets - Brooke Hemingway
It is an absolute pleasure to introduce my listeners to my incredible friend, Brooke Hemingway!
I started working with Brooke as my business coach about 3 years ago, and have been so blessed and honored to build a relationship with her and to call her friend. She is a go-getter extraordinaire who has inspired me and so many others to keep chasing our dreams. This conversation was so good, and Brooke shared authentically and vulnerably about what it’s taken for her to fight for her dreams, to be committed to her core values, to choose into healthy relationships and out of toxic ones, and to live a life without regrets. I know you will get a ton out of this conversation, and I can’t wait to hear your takeaways!
More about Brooke:
Brooke is the proud mama of 6 kids who never had any idea she would be an entrepreneur. For 20 years she taught and trained people at the local gym and 7 years ago she stepped away from her work as an RN because she knew that wasn’t her calling. 6 months later she was introduced to network marketing, laid aside any hesitations, and flew to the top of her company, becoming a 7-figure earner. An introvert with a small network initially, she decided to overcome her limitations, learn what she needed to learn, and develop new skills that would allow her to pay it forward to others. She’s learned what it takes to motivate, lead, and nurture potential in people. She went on to become a certified High Performance Coach, create a coaching community, and speak and host events, masterminds, and retreats for individuals who see that it is possible but want to know how to get there. Through mentoring thousands of people, she has seen what it takes to make it and is the ultimate believer in the possibilities for you!
Connect with Brooke:
Instagram - @HemingwayHalfDozen
Website (coaching and events): BrookeHemingway.com
(TRANSCRIPT) Episode 3: A Life Without Regrets - Brooke Hemingway
Brooke Hemingway YouTube Video
Gabi: Hello my friends and welcome back to Pain to Passion Live. I'm super stoked cuz I get to talk to one of my favorite people today, Brooke Hemingway. She is amazing. This woman has meant so much to me in my life. She has actually been, it's been like probably three years-ish that we've been coaching together.
She's been an incredible coach and mentor, and she's just a really, really cool human. So I can't wait for my audience to meet you. Brooke, thank you for being here.
Brooke: You're so awesome. Thank you so much for having me. I just love you. I've loved getting to know you over the last three years and that started, I have to just say, just because you initiated.
Like, you really tried to get to know me and you really put yourself out there. Whereas I think a lot of people are not, they don't have that kind of confidence or desire to do that, and so they just sit back and watch. But you really are someone, I was thinking about you the other day and I was like, she really just kind of goes for it.
She creates the relationships she wants, she creates the podcast, she creates the things like… So you're my kind of woman. Cause I, I just kind of go for it too.
Gabi: Right. You totally do. Yeah. That's probably why we get along. Yeah. I mean, it's a little segue, but I'll say that just asking has opened more doors for me than anything else, and I am an introvert.
I am naturally pretty shy, but that's one thing that I'm like, You know what? If you want to get to know someone, you just ask .
Brooke: You'd be surprised actually, how many people are open. Like I, I'm going through this like, you know, process right now of like asking different speakers to speak at my event in January.
And, you know, sometimes like we sort of hype ourselves up and we try to talk ourselves out of asking people and I just kind of get to this point where it's like, well, it doesn't hurt to ask. Like, I'm just gonna ask, and, and you're right. Like you never know unless you ask. And I think you'll get to the end of your life, and you won't regret, you know, a lot of things, but you will regret the things that you just didn't even go for, or the people you didn't even ask. And that's gonna be the major regret that you'll have. So whether it's starting a friendship or a business or whatever it is, like just go for it. Go for the ask.
And you'll find out either way, you know, you won't be in this limbo land of, you know, would they, would they not? It's such a better way to live.
Gabi: The what If zone is not fun. I'd rather just know. I hate the what if zone.
Brooke: I know. Me too. I hate the what if zone. I like clarity, you know that about me.
I'm like, I will. I like to know where people stand. I like to know who they really are. I like to know if it's a yes or if it's a a hell no. Like, just let me know. Like, just let me know, you know?
Gabi: Totally. Totally. Yeah. Lot, lot healthier and easier to survive that way. But speaking of getting to know who people are, I would love for you to just share a little bit about who you are. It's way more fun hearing it like from the person instead of just like reading a bio. For anyone who maybe has not heard of you or met you before, what would you share about yourself to get to know you?
Brooke: I am like a multi-passionate, like chameleon.
I don't know. I'm a unicorn. I'm, I'm a lot of different things. I, one of my favorite songs, is By Rihanna and Nikki Minaj. I don't know why, but there's a part in here where she's like, I am not a word. I am not a line. I am not a girl that could ever be defined. I am not fly. I am levitation. I represent an entire generation.
Like I could, I could sing the whole song. I love that song because I feel like that kind of describes who I am. Like I'm, I'm a lot of different things and I feel like we should be allowed to be a lot of different things as women. And I love all the things that I am, none are better than others, but I really, really resist being in a box. So I definitely am an out of the box thinker, a little bit of a gypsy, a bit of a free spirit, but also like a hustler and a hard worker. Um, if I were to put it on paper, I'd say I'm a mom of six kids. They're between the ages of five and 16 at the time of this recording. And, um, I am an entrepreneur.
I've created, several six and seven figure businesses. I coach women in business. I have a network marketing business that's been really successful. It's not all that I am. I have an event for people in business. Mostly attracts women, but I get a few brave men, and that event is all about empowering people to believe in themselves, to go for their dreams, whatever those dreams might be, and helps them to release their limitations.
So I'm huge on like gathering people and events and creating those immersive experiences. So between coaching and events and my other business, I stay super busy. I have a background in health and wellness. I did that for 20 plus years. I was that girl that was teaching the fitness classes, like inspiring people, motivating people to do another rep, just do another pushup, try one more time.
So that's kind of been in me for a lot of years to have that kind of personality. And I was a nurse for 10 years, so I've done a lot of things, but I would say, Who is Brooke? Brooke is someone that refuses to give up, Even if things are really hard. And there's a lot of things against her. She's a fighter and she refuses to give up.
And she wants other people to learn that skill as well, cuz it is a skill. She wants to help people to believe deeper in themselves and to not give up the fight for what they want most in their life and what they wanna create with this one precious life. So I'm a fighter and I'm all those other things.
Gabi: Yes, you are . All of those things. I still can't get, You said chameleon and then you said unicorn. So I have like a chameleon unicorn in my head now. kinda awesome. I'll have Fina draw that for me.
Brooke: Well I say that because like everybody tries to pin me into something. Like I get asked all the time, What's your enneagram number?
And I'm like, Can I vomit? I dunno. I wanna vo And then they say this to me, they're like, I don't know. I mean, you're kind of like a rainbow. And I'm like, I mean I've never really like gotten those tests because like I can be a little bit of whatever from any of those things. So I'm sorry if you love the Enneagram, you might love the, like that might be your thing.
But like, I'm not throwing shade, I'm just like, I'm really hard. I have a hard time putting myself in a box. And ask what I do. I'm like, I don't know, a unicorn.
Gabi: Yeah, totally. But I mean, that's. That is what you do. Like, that's your gift is being able to just see what's in front of you or see a need and go there and make it happen.
And that's a really, really cool gift. You talk about like helping women move into what is meant for their lives. And being strong and gritty in all of that. Like, where do you think that came from in you, that fight?
Brooke: I mean, I've thought a lot about this. I've thought a lot about like, where does all of that come from?
And I, I mean, there's a few things I feel like obviously you and I are aligned in a lot of this thinking that we, we have core values, right? That, that are just in us, that have always been a part of us. And a lot of those core values come from the places of pain and the things that we've been through.
And I can't say I've been through the same amount of traumatic pain as a lot of people, but I also am not a believer in comparing your pain. Like, Oh, my pain is greater than yours. And you know, pain is really subjective. And depending on what your soul is like and what your spirit is like, Things that might not be very painful for other people can be excruciatingly painful for you.
Right? And so, I think I always from a young age had a very sensitive spirit and a very sensitive soul. And I had a lot of like love in me and just wanted to be loved and wanted to be maybe in a home where like my parents like really loved each other and were really connected and that wasn't how it was.
It wasn't crazy or abusive or super horrible. But there were definitely gaps in that for me. Parents fighting, parents getting divorced, dad being gone sometimes for weeks at a time, you know, doing whatever he was doing. And it, it just created a feeling of insecurity. And I just remember like sitting on the stairs when I was a little girl.
One time, and I don't even know if my mom knows about this, but I just remember, maybe it was third grade, second grade, something like that, parents fighting. And I just remember thinking like, why can't they just love each other? Why can't they get along? Why can't everybody just love each other? Why can't everybody just get along?
And so I think I had this deep desire to like, Feel like there was love and belonging and everything was okay, and it was hard for me to experience that. Not that I experienced the most traumatic, you know, upbringing. We moved a lot growing up, which for somebody that wants safety and security and stability, that is very, very hard and Particularly hard on me. I wouldn't even say that all of my siblings had the same experience because you know, you can grow up at the same household, but have a completely different experience. And I come from a family of six, so what my oldest brother experienced and what I experienced completely different.
And for me moving was really, really hard. And especially when I was around the age of fourth grade, I had finally attached somewhere because I would say I didn't really attach anywhere. Cause we'd move every year or two. So I didn't really attach. And then in fourth grade, I, I met my best friend and I really attached and I was so happy.
And after sixth grade we moved and I just remember like that pain of Not having stability, not having security, not having any say, not having any control over that, and just having to go wherever it was we were going. And that was really hard on me. So that was one area of pain that I think has translated into me wanting to feel empowered myself, but also wanting to help other women feel empowered, Right? Because I felt in a lot of ways powerless to that situation growing up. And so that translated into me becoming this person that really wanted to feel like I had power, like I was empowered in my life to create my destiny and create my future, and that I desperately wanted to help others feel that way and experience that because you know, my mom is an amazing person, but I feel like ultimately in a lot of ways she didn't have a lot of power, or wasn't empowered or didn't take that power and do with it, you know, maybe what she could have. And so I see women in their forties. I see women in their thirties and, and when my mom got divorced, she was in her forties.
But I see women in that age range, and I feel particularly drawn to helping women in their thirties, forties, and fifties feel empowered and be able to, you know, whether they're in a good relationship or not, whether they've got, um, extra financial support or whatever. I just feel incredibly drawn to helping empower women.
Cause I don't feel like anybody should be in a position where they are not empowered to take care of themselves, to take care of their family, and to also just be in a healthy relationship. So I would say that that's one place, and that's probably a lot to unpack. But the other, the other piece for that is really ingrained in my soul and is like a big part of who I am is this fight against living a life of regret.
And I feel like regret is such a painful emotion. Yeah. Um, and maybe our listeners would agree, but like, man, when I feel regret, it's just like the deepest kind of sorrow in the soul and what I experienced also, you know, in my early adulthood, late teens, Was watching my father, like for the rest of his life, live in pain from the regret of decisions he had made, dreams he hadn't, you know, made come true and all of this potential.
He was very handsome. He was very smart. He had a PhD in economics. He was, I mean, my dad was super handsome, like he had all this potential like wrapped. and didn't really do anything with it. And just kind of like put a bomb in his life. And it was like one of the saddest things for me to see because I could see the remorse in his eyes and every time we would leave from visiting him, he would ball, you know, he was full of remorse and regret.
And I, I feel like I live my life so full out and I try to help other people live their lives so full out. Cause I'm like, you don't wanna, like you don't wanna regret the chances you didn't take, You don't wanna regret like giving up on that thing you don't wanna regret and make a stupid decision so that you can have something you want right now instead of having something you want later.
Like you don't want that. And so I also feel really passionate about helping people not live a life of regret. So I think that's where it comes from. And also just like, God gave me this spirit. He gave me this, this fighting spirit, you know?
Gabi: Yeah. No, he totally did . Yes. Fireball in her.
And I get that. I so get that. And I just think it's so interesting to see how different people end up when they have Similar backgrounds. Because, And you and I have both worked with Alejandra, who will be the episode before you. Um, but so if anyone listened to that before this, you'll have a little bit of context, but just how all of us are hardwired to find safety, right? And you were talking about how you just couldn't find that safety. Moving around so much. And then you found it, you found that friend and you were there for two years or however long you were there, and then you had to Leave and that wrecked your sense of safety, um, and attachment in all of those things.
But what you've done with your life has kind of channeled that back into what responsibility can I take to create that in myself, in my life and what's surrounding me? And there's people, depending on, you know, how they're built, who's surrounding them, what decisions that they make that go into the mode of like, I'm just destined to be alone.
I'm destined to be powerless. And it's like totally different identities. And so I think it's really awesome to see how you've taken on the identity of like, I can change this. And you, you haven't taken on like victim. You haven't become a victim to it.
Brooke: Well, you know what? I, I feel like yeah, that's true, but like, I still have to fight that.
You know, like, I have to fight that because my dad was definitely a victim. He, he was constantly, you know, burning bridges and, and was a victim. And I, and I have a lot of love for my dad. He passed away eight years ago and um, I feel like he is just doing amazing things and he is happy and he's free.
Like I feel completely sure of that. But in his life, he really was a victim. And I think so much of me like doesn't wanna be that way, but there is that element inside of me that I have to fight back. Um, every single day because that's what was modeled to me. And so when you're modeled that, and that's like modeled year after year, and even as you're an adult, like it becomes a learned behavior.
We learn what our dominant behaviors are. We like, we learn how to behave. And so I don't want there to be like any illusion that like, I don't struggle with those things because dang, like sometimes I just wanna be the victim, and I just wanna be like poor me, and my dad used to say all the time, like, When he was feeling down on himself, Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. I think I'll go eat worms and like, but that's kind of become like when I, when I recognize that in myself, I kind of say that out of, to kind of like, sort of like bring myself back to reality. Like, Dude, Brooke, like, you're not a victim. Everybody doesn't hate you, Everything's not going wrong.
Because that force is also strong in me. Any of you that have lived in a situation where a parent had an unhealthy behavior or was in victim mentality or, or you know, just had this way of thinking, like you had that all growing up, so that's gonna be with you always. It's just that I'm aware of it.
And when it comes up, I'm like, I don't wanna be that way. I don't wanna live that life. I don't wanna have that kind of mindset. I don't wanna get to the end of my life and feel like poor me, you know, Woe is me. So it's, it's definitely something I have to work at, but I, I really am committed to it.
I think it's just a commitment to becoming, and I was speaking to this a little bit earlier tonight to a group that, you know, the journey of being successful or creating the life that you want is really just surrendering to the journey of becoming. and I have just Been like evolving and becoming and changing and learning about myself and uncovering all these things about myself, some that I like, some that I don't, and I'm just kind of just taking it all in.
And this journey has really just been about that whole evolution of the good and bad and everything in between. But I'm committed to it, like I'm so committed to it. Like you.
Gabi: Yeah. You really are. It's one of my favorite words, becoming, I use that hashtag all the time. Yeah. It's like one of my favorites.
So that word becoming, I mean, because it alludes to a process. That you've been in, you are in, and you will continue to be in. Like, I haven't become something. I am becoming something. And you're right, that discovery includes finding out what needs to be changed as well as what's awesome about you, but also like, Oh, okay, That's not really what I wanna be, so let's kind of shift here and it takes time.
Brooke: Yeah. And it's Always on the way to becoming something. It's like even in the book, The Slight Edge, which is one of my favorite simple books for personal growth. He's like, You're always on the up curve or the down curve.
You're not ever just existing. You're always becoming either better or worse. You're becoming happier or more sad. You're becoming more like, We are always becoming something we've never arrived. And I think that that sense for me, like of never feeling like I'm a total expert and always sort of feeling like I'm fumbling through, like figuring things out and I've never arrived is one of the things that's helped me to be as successful as I am.
Cause I really like, truly, honestly, don't put myself on a pedastal. I don't think I know everything. I don't think I've arrived. I don't think, like, I actually really think I've just barely scratched the surface. Like I feel like I'm still very, very, very amateur and I've just scratched the surface and it's, it's kind of exciting when you are in that place and you start thinking that way because it feels terrifying, but it also feels really awesome cuz it's like, hmm, what else is gonna happen?
What else can I do? What else can I create? I know you're in that place cuz you're just like creating all of these New things, so it's terrifying, but it's also really awesome.
Gabi: Exactly, yes. Both of those things. Yes, yes, yes. It makes me think of, this is random, but it just made me think of, I was in Nepal like Five years ago and I went parasailing, para gliding. Para gliding, that's the word, para gliding. I literally had to jump off the side of a mountain strapped to a guy. So, and of course I don't speak the language, and all he knew how to say to me was run. And when I say Stop, stop running, but don't stop running until I say stop.
So we're like on the side of a mountain that's like really steep and I'm strapped to this guy who's probably. This tall next to me, like up to my shoulder, and he's just like, Okay, run. It's like, Okay. Blind faith. Right. Just run. So I just ran off the side of this mountain, literally till my feet are like running in the air.
And then he's like, Okay, you can stop. Stop and sit down. And I went up. Not down, but that just, I mean, that's what it's like, right? You just like, Okay, I'm on the side of a mountain and yeah, I don't really know what I'm doing or what's gonna happen when I jump off, but we'll never find out until we do it.
Brooke: You know what though? It's like, I mean that's like basically surrender, right? That's what you're totally, you're talking about. And I feel like that has been one of the things that has really Given me the gift of where I am right now is just, um, this ability to be able to like, run into things that I don't fully understand, and that, I don't know, but like to like fully commit to it because you can't just maybe sort of, I'm gonna para glide. It's like, You, you have to like 100% be committed to that. Yeah. And you know, even the process of like, Hey, I'm gonna do an event. I've never done an event before. Oh shoot, I signed the wrong contract, Now I'm liable for X amount of dollars.
It's like, you, you know what? But it's also really freeing. Yeah, I bet that experience for you felt like nothing else that you've ever done before, and it felt incredibly freeing. And that is what the journey of like going after your dreams and trying to create something feels like, it feels like terrifying, but also the most freeing feeling you could ever feel.
And I often picture myself, like if I'm kind of like dreaming about my life and you know what my life looks like and what my Experiences like, and everything I'm going after is like me with my arms wide open, just like running, like flailing, you know? And just like hair on fire, like that's me. And that's kinda like what you described with your paragliding experience.
Like go ahead and run hair on fire. Everything's gonna turn out. Yeah, everything's gonna be okay.
Gabi: Yeah. Which obviously feeds back into your faith and knowing where, like what's gonna catch you no matter what. Like, you know, God's got your back no matter what too. But, To segue because you mentioned like you never put yourself on a pedestal, which is very true about you.
It's one of the things I love about you. You're just a very relatable human, but a lot of people that are kind of in the space that you're in, um, and really driven people, at least this is what I found and I have it's come up in conversation, is you can run into people who do start to think They do know it all or they are all that, or at least put on that persona, which then can get you into relationships with people who are not maybe quite as healthy as you need them to be, and maybe will start to use your giftings for their own gain or whatever.
What has been kind of your experience with that and how you've navigated that in the position that you're in?
Brooke: Okay, so here's the thing about relationships. We voluntarily Put ourselves in relationship with other people. And so, you know, as I'm gonna like talk about this and as we're gonna talk about this, I just wanna be like super, super clear that it's always takes two people.
Like relationship is always two people and I take accountability for my part and others have to take accountability for their part. We enter into relationships, I would almost call them agreements. We enter into agreements for different reasons, and we enter into these relationships and agreements sometimes from places where we are not healed, where we are still in a place of like processing and working through a lot of things in our lives.
And so we make these agreements with people that may or may not be a great match for us that may or may not be healthy for our souls and they, it may or may not be a good long term fit, but every relationship, even the difficult ones give really, really beautiful. And so I will say that about relationships that I've been in that have been difficult or where I feel, because it is my feeling where I feel like perhaps it was a little bit one sided and once I cut off the supply, I was absolutely, You know, annihilated or whatever that might look like. And so I take responsibility for how I show up in relationship. And I think that that is really important for anybody listening here. It's never 100% somebody else's fault, whatever happens in relationship. And I also wanna be sensitive to people that have been in abusive relationships.
Like you never deserve to be abused emotionally or physically. That's never okay. But we do choose to get into a relationship or stay in relationship, typically of our own accord. And what I have come to learn about myself, especially over the last year to two years, is that a lot of times I entered into these agreements and relationships from a place of lack, feeling like I lacked something, feeling like I wasn't good enough, feeling like I needed Somebody else because I wasn't good enough. And so, hey, maybe I should get in relationship with this person because they're better than me or they have something that I don't have. And that was really from an unhealthy place of not being healed and not understanding my worth, not understanding what I brought to the table, not understanding the experience, knowledge.
And I allowed myself to be in a relationship like this and nobody did it to me. I did it to myself. And the cool thing is like when you wake up to it, I mean, it's both painful, but it's also like, Oh my gosh, like I have peeled back the curtain. I understand why I was in this relationship. I was in this relationship because I thought I was a bad person. And maybe if I stay in this relationship, I'll be a good person. And maybe if I'm in a good enough, if I'm a good enough person, I can make this relationship good and I can make it work. And you know, I can come in there and save the day. Like you kind of like you pull back that mask and that facade and you realize, holy crap.
Like I want everybody here listening to think about a relationship that is a challenge In your life right now, and that relationship could just be a relationship where every time you leave an interaction or you, you leave an experience with this person, whether it's virtually or in person. You leave this relationship and you feel drained or you feel like a piece of you has been taken or you feel like you've had to compromise who you are, or you feel like you've had to compromise what you wanted, or you've had to compromise your values, or compromise your standards, or you've had to morph into something else, right? Like those to me would kind of be definitions of maybe relationships that are difficult. So I want you to identify a relationship like that, that you're in, and then I Then I want you to ask yourself like, what has me feeling like I need to be in this relationship?
What is it that I feel like I am lacking that is making me stay in this relationship or go back to this relationship and taking some time? Thinking about that is going to help you realize to realize if this is a healthy relationship or not. And you're probably gonna find that some of your relationships, whether they're business relationships or personal relationships that were formed on a false foundation, on a false basis, on false connection, not on real connection, but on too unhealed or unhealthy or maybe. That's not them, but that's you. You're unhealed. You've got an unhealthy relationship with self, and you entered into this relationship or agreement from a place that was not like this pure, whole holy, healed place.
Ask yourself, what has me feeling like I need to stay in this relationship? Or what do I feel like I lack that has me going back to this relationship. And so for me it was like realizing those things and realizing that some relationships, um, were not healthy. I'd allowed them, and it's not to villainize anybody, but I, I had made that choice and in particular, I decided to, I, I've decided to walk away from those kind of relationships. If they can't be repaired or really healed, or if they feel really unhealthy, I personally have decided to walk away from those relationships. I don't know if you've had experience with this before, but I've just, it's kind of like I'm gonna release that, with like, not having drama. Not talking about that person incessantly, not blaming everything on that person, but just like, wow, once your eyes are open, you can't close 'em. Once they're open, you can't close 'em. And uh, and I was open to what was happening. I was open to my part in choosing into certain relationships.
My eyes were also open to how much like pain it was causing me. Like a lot of pain. When you're in relationship with people and there's that dissonance, or you're having to change or morph or accept things that just really aren't working for you, it's really, really painful to your soul. And I was in a lot of pain and I finally just woke up one day and I was like, I need to release that pain, which means I need to relieve that relationship, which means I need to let go.
Thought something was, I just have to let it go and accept that it was what it was and I, I learned Every relationship is a classroom.
Gabi: It's a classroom.
Brooke: So I don't know, I kind of just went off there and I don't know what you wanna pick apart in that.
Gabi: that was great. I mean, you went into coaching mode and I loved it.
I totally loved it. So it all plays back into what you were talking about earlier, about um, like finding out what you have power over. And like you said, it can be very, very painful, but also liberating to realize what role you have, and it also keeps you from going into that villain victim area, which is just ugly, right, and pointless on both sides, and never ending.
And yeah, it never ends. Rumination just starts happening in your brain where it's just like you play the story over and over and over again and it doesn't do anybody any good, right? And yes, maybe there was mistreatment on one side or the other of a relationship, however you did choose in and finding out why you did that is One of the best lessons you can learn, right? Because otherwise you're gonna end up in the same kind of relationship 57 times. Until you get the lesson.
Brooke: Are you gonna go back, You're gonna go back to that same relationship? you're gonna be like, Oh, you know what? It wasn't that bad. It's so bad.
Like, you know, maybe I can fix it this time. Or maybe I'm stronger, or maybe I'm better. Or maybe I've, I'm wiser and I've learned some things and, and uh, and you just keep repeating that same mistake over and over, and I think you, Both of us, I don't know if you follow Rebecca Zung?
She talks a lot about narcissists. And, and to be fair, like I went to lunch with her a couple months ago and, and somebody else that was at that lunch asked, Well, does, how does everybody have a little bit of narcissism in them? And she said, Yes. Everybody has a little bit of narcissism in them.
You need to have a little bit for like self-preservation, like you have to care about yourself. Some way, like you have to, you know, preserve yourself, take care of yourself. There is some of that built into us, but when it's in excess, and you cut off the supply from a narcissist and you cut off the supply and they can't really rile you up or get anything out of you, they literally have no use for you. They will throw you out like trash. They will trash your name, they will block you. They will do all this kind of stuff. Because like, That's the only thing that they can do. That's their only power play is like they will just like lash out at you, but like you're not reacting.
Because once you realize these things about yourself and you're like, Oh my gosh, the facade is down. I understand that from my unhealed really like broken place. I made decision to be in relationship with. Not that anybody is a monster, cuz nobody's a monster. I mean, there are monsters out there.
You know what I mean? But it's like when the facade is down and you start listening to yourself and you know yourself, a narcissist can sense that. They know it. They're like, Shoot, shoot. I don't have any power over this person anymore. I can't get anything out of this person.
I can't, like, I can't get money, I can't get influence out of them. I can't get, like, there's nothing I can get. I can't even get an emotional response out of them. And so just, and understand that if you are in a bad relationship, meaning a relationship that's bad for you, a relationship that's toxic for you, sometimes when you choose to end that relationship, it's not all peaceful and it's not all graceful and it's not all awesome, and you have to be willing to accept that.
You have to be willing to accept that fallout. And I swear to you, the fallout is, it's real, but it's also very worth. Because when you go through that, you are able to feel that complete freedom and you're able to then heal the relationship with yourself. And you go into every other relationship after that with your eyes wide open and as a more whole person that's not gonna repeat that, just just know that it's not always gonna be easy and people will lash out.
And especially if they're, they have a stronger narcissistic, you know, personality. There's gonna be more gnashing of teeth. You know, so it's, It's like, yeah, the process of waking up is beautiful, but it's also really hard.
Gabi: you're right. The fallout is definitely real. Definitely the fallout's real, but understanding, knowing yourself and choosing health, it's totally, totally worth it.
Brooke: It's totally worth it because the right people will come into your life. The right connections will stay, the authentic connections, as Maryanne Williamson says, like the holy relationships, as opposed to the unholy relationships. The right holy whole relationships will come into your life, and that's worth all the fallout. Like even a lot of fallout because once you come home to yourself and you know who you are and you've worked on the healing of yourself, you are more than happy to rebuild anything that you've lost. like, I can 100% be like, sweet, I lost almost a half a million dollars a year. Awesome. Totally cool. Absolutely worth it. Would never go back. Wouldn't do it. And I'm more than happy to rebuild and, and more than happy to take the loss, whatever that loss is for you. Maybe you lose an entire friend group of people, maybe you lose a job, maybe you lose a business partner.
Maybe you lose some of your social media following whatever it is. It's like. When you come home to yourself and you know who you are and you're more healed on the inside, you are happy to take the loss. I sincerely mean that. Gabi, like I, you are happy to take the loss because it removes the weight and the facade and the fakeness and everything that you're trying to make work that just isn't working and you're so out of alignment.
You bring yourself back into your alignment and, and the fallout happens and there's. And what I want more in my life than anything right now is I want peace. Right? I don't just want more things, more money, more followers, more than anything I want peace.
Gabi: Yep. I actually had a therapist say to me once when I was going through something like this and I was like, This person literally could ruin my entire career, And she's like, So what? It's just a career. And I'm like, You know what? You have a really good point. It doesn't, it's not me, it's not my peace, It's not my identity, it's not my wholeness, and that is really what I'm trying to protect and preserve.
Brooke: Nobody can, Nobody can ruin you. Right? Yeah. I mean, they can, they can smear your name, they can pull people aside and talk about you.
They can, uh, passively gaslight you like they can do. I mean, people will do anything, right? Because everyone is hardwired for preservation and survival, right? And so, you know, depending on the person, they'll do whatever. And the the reality is, is like you could completely reinvent yourself in a year.
You could completely reinvent your network. You could completely reinvent your social media. You could completely reinvent your business. You could start a completely new business. I think we have all these stories about how scary it's gonna be to let go of some connections and to let go of that safety blanket.
And I just let myself go down the rabbit hole. I'm like, okay. And if that happens, then what? And if that happens, then what? And if that happens, then what? And you get to the end of it and you're like, Well, yeah, that would, that would really suck, but here's what I would do. And it's actually freeing.
Gabi: Definitely. Wow. And also at the end of the rabbit hole, Brooke is still Brooke. Right? Gabi is still Gabi. And you, you have built that sense of home within yourself.
Brooke: Yeah. And, and you're comfortable with yourself. And you can live with yourself. And you can sleep at night. And you, you know who you are.
I mean, that's just been really priceless to me because, this last, you know, a year ago I was in so much pain. Because I had gone away from myself a little bit and I, I wasn't completely away from myself. I was still doing a lot of good and I was still doing a lot of things, but I had negotiated, right.
I just listened to this podcast that Trent Shelton did, and he was talking about how like we negotiate with ourselves and I had negotiated with myself and negotiated away Who I was in some ways and some core values, and it was really painful to wake up to that and to realize that, and then to sever that so that I could come back to who I was.
And if you're negotiating with yourself right now, I would just encourage you to wake up to that and stop negotiating because having the real relationship with yourself, it feels Like anything is possible, even if you have $0 in the bank account, even if you have hardly any followers, coming back to yourself and having your own back, and being your own safe place to fall and being true to yourself, like There's nothing in the world like that. money can't buy that. Success Can't buy that. A good business idea Can't buy that. It's not worth any of it. And all that stuff is a house of cards anyways. That's what I'll say. Like it's all a house of cards. Like you can make a lot of money. You can lose it all.
You can have a lot of followers. You can lose it all. Just don't lose yourself. Listen to yourself. The biggest reason I, or the biggest lesson I got over the last year was listen to yourself. Stop negotiating. Stop making excuses. Stop accepting things that aren't okay within to yourself.
Gabi: so good, So good. I just love it. This has been such a great conversation. Always. I just feel like I could talk to you like for hours. So much Goodness. I appreciate you so much. I don't wanna take all of your evening, but thank you so much for just being here and being open and vulnerable and spending this time.
I know that a lot of people are going to get Value out of this. So thank you very, very much.
Brooke: Can I just share one more thought that's just kinda of course heart in my mind, um, is that you are perfectly okay. Just you yourself. like I think since we ended up talking a lot about relationships, I think so many of us feel like we are just, there's something in us that's lacking and so we go outside of ourselves seeking for that thing that we feel like we're lacking.
And I wish that I had felt and known that I was perfectly capable on my own. I was perfectly okay on my own. I could have executed that idea. I could have done that thing all on my own. I wasn't lacking anything and you're not lacking anything. So just remember that you have everything inside of you that you need, and entering into agreements and relationships and negotiating yourself away, that's coming from a place of lack. So spend some time with yourself and work so much more on your relationship with yourself than anyone else. And every relationship you get into from that place is going to be a healthy relationship or else you won't be in that relationship. So I just wanted to share that in closing.
Gabi: That was gold. I'm very glad that you shared that. Really, really important. Thank you, Brooke. I know that people are going to wanna be connecting with you after they hear this, so I'll definitely put all your links and everything in the show notes. But for those who are just listening and wanna connect with you really quick.
What's the best way for them to connect with you?
Brooke: Uh, I think just probably Instagram. I'm most active on Instagram at Hemingwayhalf dozen, or come to Align in January. come and be a part of that. Um, I get to know you, I get to hug you, I get to see you. and we come together in community and have a beautiful, transformative experience.
So if you wanna in person, get to know me and be there, you can come there. if you wanna virtually get to know me, Go follow me over on Instagram and um, you know, let me be a source of hope, hopefully hope, inspiration, encouragement on your journey, whatever it is you're working on or working through. I hope that I can just bring some hope to you.
Gabi: And she does. And I will definitely plug the event in January. It's gonna be so good. I went last year and then the year before that when it was virtual, I went to that too. Yeah, it's going to be amazing. Brooke does incredible events with wonderful people, and she attracts the best people. So you're gonna be in a room full of wonderful people.
So I hope that some of the listeners here today Go and just experience that for themselves. But thank you again, Brooke. I absolutely adore you. I do. We'll connect soon. And thank you everyone who's listening, go rate and review. That will help so much. And we will be here again next week for Pain to Passion Live.
Thank you all for being here. Talk to you next time. Thank you. Bye bye.