S2E7: Coffee with Gabi! Do You Believe That You Actually Matter?
If you're anything like me, you have struggled throughout your life to believe that you actually matter as much as anyone else.
Personally, I was raised in a conservative Christian environment with messages like "always put others before yourself" and "what you want doesn't matter" and "always give to others." Don't get me wrong - I absolutely believe in serving others, in being generous and giving, and not living selfishly. But so often, these "Christian" teachings (I say that in quotes because I do NOT think they reflect Jesus) become harmful because we don't value ourselves and can get to the point where we will do anything that anyone else wants or needs, even if it actually hurts us.
It's been a process for me to deconstruct this, and maybe it's been the same for you. In this brief and vulnerable episode, I share a bit about the revelations I've been having about this in the past few weeks. It's been revolutionizing my world, and I thought you all may benefit from these thoughts, too.
Thank you so much for being here with me! Would you mind taking a moment to rate and review the podcast? Also if you could share about it on social media or send to a friend or two, that would be amazing! I want as many people as possible to receive the encouragement available here on this show. Thank you so much!!
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(TRANSCRIPT): S2E7- Coffee with Gabi! Do You Believe That You Actually Matter?
NOTE: Transcript is created by AI. Please excuse any errors.
Gabi: [00:00:00] Hello, my beautiful friends. Welcome back to Paint to Passion Live. Here's a quick coffee with Gabi episode. I love these. I love connecting with you about just what I've kind of been ruminating on in my own heart, what I'm working through here, because real conversation with real people. It's like the greatest gift in the world, don't you think?
I've never been one of those people who's great at small talk, which you know, may be part of my trauma history, to be honest. But I can't really deal with small talk very well. I wanna get down to the nitty gritty. I wanna know your heart. I wanna know what's going on inside of your soul, and so these opportunities to come to you for coffee with Gabby on Fridays.
Is really a gift to me, and thank you so much to those of you who have sent me feedback about these episodes. It means the world to me. [00:01:00] So if you have been enjoying these episodes or any episode, please shoot me an email or you can actually message me through Instagram or anything like that. Um, because I would love to hear from you.
I would love to hear how these episodes are impacting your life. Um, something I'm working through right now is believing that I'm worth it. If you've been following me on Instagram or anything for a while, you know that I use the hashtag you are worthy and you are worth it all the time. Because I want you to know, I want you to know that you are worthwhile.
You are just as worthwhile as everyone around you. And if you're a complex trauma survivor like I am, you can diminish yourself so easily where you will put yourself to the side because you're thinking about what other people need, just all the time. So what if we actually [00:02:00] come to this realization that we're just as worth it as others, like how would that change our lives?
How would that affect our decision making? Right. So for me, one thing that I'm working through at the moment is just how different stressors have. Actually been making me physically sick. This isn't something new. I have struggled with chronic pain since I was a young teen, um, possibly even earlier than that, to be honest.
Um, but I grew up in a very toxic household. My complex trauma comes from. Birth, you know, my very childhood every day was not healthy. Um, that was the dynamic that I grew up in and I didn't know what to do mentally, emotionally, but my body responded by creating chronic pain, migraines. My body was talking to me.
And it [00:03:00] still is, there are still things in my life that my body is talking to me about. Um, in fact, some of my chronic pain, as I think I mentioned, um, a few weeks ago, has actually been getting worse, but it's. Kind of cool because as my therapist has expressed to me, I'm not dissociating as much anymore.
I'm a master dissociate. I realized about two years ago that I had been living in a dissociative state for most of my life. But right now I have come to such a place of identity and understanding who I am and what I'm worth, and being in the present moment that I'm not dissociating anymore. So with that comes this lack of numbness, this lack of buffering that I'm used to.
So I'm feeling all the things, I'm experiencing everything in real time [00:04:00] at their real severity. So I've been experiencing a lot of pain. Um, just to be really honest, and I'm sure a lot of you out there can relate to this, thankfully, um, with this perspective of. It's the lack of dissociation. Not me doing something wrong, but me doing something right that's actually causing my body to wave these red flags of pain at me.
It's really quite encouraging, but it has to cause me to stop and think like, Hmm, maybe I actually need to be making some decisions for. My wellbeing, like for that to be the motivating factor for some decisions, which is like a huge new revelatory thing for me. That's never been something that I've allowed before.
Sure. Now, and then I'll make a decision based on what I [00:05:00] personally want or what might personally be best for me. But I care so much about my family and the people in my world that that generally has not been the lens that I have looked through. So now I am going through this new growth period where I'm like, you know what?
I think actually I'm supposed to consider myself when making decisions. I'm supposed to think about what I want and what I need, and even like what I need in order to protect my physical health and act on that. It's so new for me. It's a really interesting thing to experience, and I have to wrestle through a lot of the really way that I was raised, even religiously, like if you've been around at all, you know I'm [00:06:00] a Jesus girl.
I have experienced Jesus so much personally and intimately that nothing could ever persuade me that he's not real. If that's not your story, that's okay. I understand. But that is my story. So, um, unfortunately with the religious environment that I was raised in, it was like, You can't consider yourself, like you're not important, you're nothing.
Think about everyone else before you think about you. And so entering into like parenting for example, that was the lens that I have, was like, you have to do everything you possibly can for your kids, even if it becomes detrimental for you. So these are all things that I'm working through right now. But I have this feeling that God, who really is a God of liberation, the God of truth, and you know, truth sets us free.
And the [00:07:00] God who wants us to live these exceedingly, abundantly free lives in him, he's calling me into something greater. He's calling me into something. Bigger and more holy. And that includes my personal freedom. I have allowed myself to be in chains to so many things for so long because I've worried about being selfish or self-centered or, um, coming across as not caring about other people.
But I think he actually wants me to believe. That I matter to him, that I am precious. Beyond rubies to him and I should treat myself as such. So these are the thoughts that I'm having you guys. I, it's no joke, it's a big learning curve. Um, are any of [00:08:00] you from a really conservative Christian background, you know, raised in the nineties kind of thing where this resonates with you?
I would love to hear your feedback. Please let me know. Um, If you can relate to this at all, and if this is kind of a revelatory thing for you too, I promise I will stay committed to this journey and I promise to take you guys along for the ride and I still also have some coaching spots available. For those of you who are wanting to pursue your dreams, what are finding you're blocked by Emotional.
Um, lack of emotional energy or physical energy. You're just, um, getting depressed or overwhelmed or any of those things. I also have a new free resource for any of you. I wanted to be able to provide this for free, so I have added a Soul Care Journal on my website. You can go check it out and download that for free.
I've offered. [00:09:00] 10 days worth of journaling prompts that include beautiful pictures and space to write, um, with some questions that will really go and pierce your heart so you can journal through a lens of what's actually going on with you emotionally. So go check that out. In the show notes, there's a link to go download that free.
Soul Care Journal. I am excited for you to get access to that. I hope it's a great catalyst for you to start being able to process what's going on in your hearts. Know that I love you guys. You matter to me, you matter to God, and you matter In this world. You're so valuable. I cannot wait to connect with you next time.
Have a great day, my friends.