Episode 37: Overcoming the Monster of Codepencency - Jennifer LaGuardia

On today's episode of Pain to Passion Live is a conversation I got to have with one of the brightest most encouraging people I know - my friend, Jennifer LaGuardia.

She has a truly incredible story of escaping a narcissistically abusive marriage and overcoming her lifelong struggle with codependency. I knew I needed to share her story with my audience, because I know so many of us can relate. If you have struggled with being a people pleaser, with being the victim of narcissistic abuse, and/or have had a hard time knowing who you truly are, I know this episode is going to resonate deeply with you.

Jennifer's deep faith and her faithfulness will inspire you. She has walked the walk as she's talked the talk, and hearing how God has gently led her to really uncover the truth about who she is is incredibly moving. I know you will love her as much as I do!!

Connect with Jennifer:

Podcast - ⁠Awakening Hope with Jennifer Laguardia⁠

Instagram -⁠ @jenniferlaguardiahope⁠

Connect with Gabi:

 Instagram - ⁠⁠@gabiruth⁠⁠

TikTok - ⁠⁠@gabiruth84⁠⁠

Facebook - ⁠⁠facebook.com/gabiruth84⁠⁠

Website - ⁠⁠gabiruth.com⁠⁠

Coach with Gabi - ⁠⁠gabiruth.com/book-a-1on1-call⁠⁠

Invite Gabi to Speak - ⁠⁠gabiruth.com/speaking⁠

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(TRANSCRIPT) Ep. 37: Overcoming the Monster of Codependency - Jennifer LaGuardia

Note: Transcript is created by AI. Please excuse any errors.

Gabi: Hey friends. Welcome back to Pain to Passion Live. Oh my goodness. Today I get to talk to one of my favorite people, Jennifer LaGuardia. She is one of the most shiny. Hopeful, beautiful people that I've ever met. She's incredibly encouraging wise and kind, and I just love her so much. Jennifer, thank you for being here with me today.

Jennifer:

Gabi,I love you so much. Thank you for that beautiful intro and just please know the feeling is so mutual. You are such a beautiful human being, beautiful inside and out, and I am so honored that you asked me to do this, . I absolutely love you. You're amazing. So thank you. A bajillion thank yous. I love this.

Gabi: Oh my gosh, I love that.

I love, see guys, I'm here with you. . I told you. She's just like the sweetest and the thing is like she's always. This , like I have never met anyone with this kind of sustainable encouragement that Jennifer has, which it doesn't mean that you don't have bad days. It doesn't mean that you don't get down, but you just have the most radiant spirit and so encouraging all the time.

And I just think that's so inspiring. Like it really, really challenges me, honestly, regularly to be like, you know what? If she can be that way, I can be that way. Oh, God. Be more encouraging. So just thank you for who you are.

Jennifer: You're so beautiful. Gabby Gabi. Thank you. Just so you know, I, I have to interject.

I, so it's with intention every day I want to exude this. I, I, it is such a, it means everything in the world to me. It's such a high for me to make other people smile, to make people feel good. Hmm. And you know, I, I try to live my faith every day. I want that love and light to pass through me. So I pray actually, , very pointedly.

Oh my God. I mean, every day, sometimes throughout the day, especially on those days where, You know, it's, it's not easy. It's a day . Mm-hmm . And I just pray that God would, that I just, I ask God to just channel that love and light through me even if, you know it's not always easy. And I'm just very grateful to hear you say that cuz that's something that I pray for, cuz.

You know, that's just how I wanna live life. I want people to feel that from me. So thank you.

Gabi: I love that. I love that so much. I mean, and that's a lesson right there. Like just the fact that you ask for that from God every day I think is so amazing. Like we can all learn from that. Just ask God for that thing that you want to portray to the world, you know?

It's beautiful.

Jennifer: Thank you, Gabby. I appreciate.

Gabi: Of course my friend. He'll, isn't it true? He'll do it. . Well, my friend, I would love for our listeners just to get to know you a little bit better. So can you tell us like who you are, what you're about, what you do?

Jennifer: Absolutely, I'd be honored. So, uh, hi everybody.

I'm Jennifer LaGuardia. Uh, I have a podcast, it's called Awakening Hope with Jennifer LaGuardia and my, the heart and soul behind this podcast is I. More than anything else in this world and it's, it's a very deep soul calling. It's something God put on my heart years ago. I want to be that encouraging voice to all those who might be at that point in their lives, or you might be at that point of the journey.

It just really looks like all hope is completely lost. I've been there, I've walked through a lot of darkness in my life and I attribute how. Gotten through anything and everything to my relationship with God. Mm-hmm. So I'm on a mission. It is like my heart and soul mission to speak life and hope into the lives of all those who just really are at that point where you just don't even know what's the point anymore.

I feel, I believe, with every fiber of my being, that we're all wired with great purpose and destiny. And it's really hard to feel that when you're going through something that just feels like it's impossible. And it, it's, you know, I feel like a lot of people wanna have faith. They wanna have that hope. So sometimes life gets so overwhelming, it's almost impossible to even see possibilities.

So, I've, you know what God has done for me, how God has helped me see that light and experience these intimate encounters with him. It's just made me that much more passionate to wanna help lead other people into those same experiences. So that is why, um, I do my podcast every week, and it's just these brief short, you know, it's a solo cast.

It's just these short little few minute messages based on my own personal experience, um, just to kind of. Uplift anyone who just needs to hear that encouraging voice. Some of the, some of the episodes, I'm just praying over you. . I loved to my, that's a, a deep passion of mine. I, prayer, prayer is so powerful, so I love to pray over, over people.

So I, I do that once a week on Instagram videos. It's part of the pie, the solo cast . So yeah, I mean that, and that really is, is just what I'm about. I just want to be someone who encourages people's faith with everything I do, whether it's the solo cast, um, I'm looking into getting into guided meditation work just to help create an atmosphere for people.

To feel connected to God. Hmm. I love that so much. Thank you, . I love it.

Gabi: Thank you. So thank you all her info. By the way, guys will be in the show notes, so make sure you go follow her and subscribe to the podcast and all the things cuz you'll be so encouraged by, I mean, don't you love listening to her voice?

I just love listening to her voice. So, so encouraging. But you mentioned like you've been to that. Place. Right. And that's why you're so passionate about what you do. Yes. So whatever you'd like to share, we would love to hear like what your journey has been from that darkness and what that experience has been like for you.

Jennifer: Okay. I'd be, I'm honored and grateful to share, so I've been through a lot of different life experiences. a lot, . Um, but for the sake of just this particular conversation in this episode, , um, I, I wanna isolate one particular experience. I think a lot of people go through. and this really consumed a large part of my life and it could have ended my life.

Mm-hmm. . So it's one of, of all the things I've walked through, this is probably one of the biggest, and that is overcoming codependency, narcissistic, abusive relation, uh, one particular a narcissist. Narcissistic abusive relationship. Yeah. Um, and forging a healthy relationship with myself because honestly, it wasn't until a few years ago did I really understand what it meant to have a healthy relationship with myself and Wow.

And to be free from so many things that kept me like in this horrible cycle. We know what's called codependency, , people pleasing, and you know, feeling like I had to save and rescue really toxic people no matter how bad their behavior. And completely losing myself in the process. Not re like it. Got to a point where I.

Honestly, I, I felt so disconnected with my own feelings and emotions, my own identity. I couldn't even tell you really who I was. I, I, I lived to try to make other people happy, especially in these relationships, so, mm-hmm. that journey of finding out who did God create me to be? . Mm-hmm. , what is my soul calling and purpose?

What brings me joy? What are my values that I hold sacred and are non-negotiable? You know, what will I no longer tolerate in my life? What will I no longer compromise? Hmm. So coming to that, these realizations, that's what began my, my Healing journey, . Wow. I could articulate from that point. .

Gabi: Yeah, just, yeah, go for it.

Whatever is on your heart to share about that. I think, like you said, it's something that a lot of people deal with. Yes. And a lot of people are probably in the middle of right now. Yes. Whether or not it's a narcissistic, abusive of a situ situation or just co-dependency in general. Yes. A lot of people are in the thick of that.

So what did that look like for you and how did you get.

Jennifer: Okay. I appreciate the questions. So absolutely. I sote like, basically like every relationship that I had since my early twenties really. Was not healthy. I mean, it was just different variations of toxic. But the thing that, um, I, I, I, I wanna, uh, share with, with you and with, with the audience, I'm so grateful, um, to share this, uh, there's an analogy that, that God, I felt God impressed on my heart, and this whole story centers around this.

So you've heard. Very real scenario of someone who gets into an accident and they're rushed to the er and like the, the, the injuries that were sustained from that accident, they get all fixed up. But lo and behold, the doctors discover something even deeper and whatever it was that they discovered, even deeper, could have killed them.

Mm. So I was never in an accident like that, but the same exact scenario because, um, I had gotten married to someone who. Um, he just very disturbed and it could have ended my life. Yeah. And I will go into detail about that, but I kept asking, God, I, I never blamed God. I took ownership for making this decision.

Not great decision, but I kept wondering to myself, how come is it that all these relationships ended? Like, God shut the door, and how come God didn't shut the door until like, I. You know, I went as far as getting married, and here again, I took ownership for making this decision. But I just kept wondering, why did this have to get to this point?

And that it dawned on me. It wasn't until like the grand crescendo of toxic relationship I had gotten in over my head did I realize the layers of dysfunction on the inside of me. Yeah. Why was I constantly attracting the same person, but with a different. And I'm like, that was something I was consciously aware of.

Like, I don't understand. It's not like I'm intentionally looking for these awful people, , you know? Mm-hmm. , I mean, I, you know, I, my heart goes out to a lot of people, but it's not like I'm wanting to. You know, get intimately involved with people that are just, you know, not healthy, not right. They're not good people.

Right. Right. So it wasn't until, if it was not for that experience getting in over my head, marrying this person, would I have realized, oh my God, this is why, because I was so, like, I was just so disconnected from myself for so long. I didn't realize that I. Really cod, like severely codependent. Mm-hmm. And I didn't realize the, like, I didn't know what it meant to love myself.

I didn't know what self-love or self valuing myself. I had no idea what that meant. So when I, so basically, long story short, for the, for this conversation, um, my ex-husband. We met online and I picked, you know, I've always had a strong intuition. I picked up on red, all the red flags. He lived in another country.

Um, so the relationship was long distance. Mm-hmm. . And so we were on the phone, of course, every day. Mm-hmm. and I picked up on these very, very bizarre inconsistencies with his behavior. And they were absolutely red flags like he would. Outta nowhere, like just very bizarre mood swings and something told me, and I, I believe intuition is the voice of God.

I knew that there was something off, but I need to add. This is exactly like how bad I was emotionally at this point. I had gone prior to my ex and I getting together, I had gone through so many breakups and like one after the other, after the other, and like I just, I was a broken mess inside and I just, it's, I don't know if there.

Some people call it, uh, you know, relationship addict, love addict, , you know, and that might have been in the mix. I just wanted so bad. I just felt so empty inside. Yeah. You know, I felt so empty and I, I guess part of, part of the issue is just wanting to be with that person to feel com that right person to feel completed.

Yeah. So I kept going from relationship to relationship, one awful situation to another. You know, I, I was in that place of just wanting to share my love, my life, and my dreams with the right person. Now, that's not bad. I feel like that's a perfectly reasonable and healthy desire. Yeah. But the, but the issue, um, That maybe taints that is not feeling like a whole complete person in and of yourself.

Mm-hmm. , I didn't have a healthy relationship with myself. I just always felt like I needed the connection of that other person, so I felt so broken and so empty inside. I really was at that point. I can't go through another heartbreak, even though I knew, okay, there's a very good chance this could, I could be walking into something I shouldn't be walking into, but.

You know that, I don't know if you've ever felt numb emotionally. Oh, totally. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , well, I was in that very scary, dangerous place where I felt so numb, like I was, I, I felt broken. I could feel like sadness and depression, but at the same time, it's like my senses were numb. Like I knew God. God in my intuition kept telling me, don't go down this road.

But yet I felt. But what if, you know, look at what he's promising me over the phone. Yeah. I mean, he seems like this wonderful person. Yeah. You know, I bought into, I, I basically bought into a brilliantly crafted facade. He told me everything I wanted to hear. Mm-hmm. , I, I ki again, the inconsistencies with his behavior like, Screamed at me.

This person's not for real, but I just want, I wanted so badly to believe him. I wanted to believe the lies basically between text message and. , you know what, what he was sharing with me over the phone, so we had visited with each other only once. And , I had shared this with you. You've heard, heard me say this, cringeworthy Confessions and I'm sharing this.

The reason I'm, I'm very open with sharing this is to, is to help anyone. Feel this, you know, be at this point of the journey. This is to share with you all where I was at and how far God's taken me. Mm-hmm. But I was in such a bad spot, like, you know, not exercising. Wisdom, discernment. Like this was just really not in a good place.

So we'd only visited with each other once and got married. So like, it's not like we spent any time in person. Mm-hmm. , you know, so basically, you know, the second that happened here, again, like I saw the red flags just from being over the phone, but the second we had gotten married and traveled back, you know, across country together.

You know, and I, you've heard me say this, bef you share this before Jekyll turned in to hide mm-hmm. , I, I'd seen two split personality, but it really, I mean, it blew up and it was the mo I mean, I, I knew at that point I made the biggest mistake of my life. I had never felt more terrified and. Hopeless. Like, I can't believe I got my, myself.

I cannot believe this is happening to me. Like, I, I can, but I can't. And I felt so ashamed too, cuz I felt like how could I let I, I saw the red flags. I just felt like, why is, like, how can this, how can I have let this happen? You know? Mm-hmm. It was just like, it was just basically, I just almost felt frozen in time.

Like, I don't, I don't, you know, I just don't even know. I, I just felt hopeless. Yeah, I felt like, okay, somehow some way I'm just gonna try and make this work. So basically every single day, I mean, it was it, it was an emotionally abusive nightmare, thank God it never got physical and it could have yet a violent temper.

Yeah, and it could have very easily, very easily, I mean, I could very easily not be here to share this. Yeah. But I was very good at talking him down. Sure. And I, and I'm also convinced that that was the grace of God Yeah. On me, honestly. Mm-hmm. , the combination. So I basically played like a, a, a role, like an actress in a movie for three years, just was not even myself.

Say and do whatever he wanted, just to keep peace and keep him happy. Wow. Um, yeah, for three, for three years. And so the turning point of this, like where , I wanna give everybody hope. This is a sad, you know, I felt you're good. I felt rock bottom hopeless, like mind blowing depression every single day. Just trying to figure out where do I go from here?

Because I always believed deep down, this is not what God meant for my life, you know? Sure. I just always felt like I had a different vision for my life and I just felt like this is just, this is not even at that awful state I was in. I knew this is not an alignment for what God wanted for my life, and it's important for me to add.

I've always had a relationship with God. I've always loved God. God, you know, my relationship with God was always very, very special to me. It was always front and center of my life, but it really wasn't until this one very like, I'm excited to share this, like larger than life experience. I didn't realize that.

I really didn't know how to, I didn't know how to love, I didn't know how to receive the love of God. Wow. Like I just, I didn't know how to love myself. I didn't know how to receive God's love. And like for anyone listening to this, that might sound strange. When you're someone that feels like you have to perform for love, you have to be a certain way to win someone's love.

And I, I had that mentality like, I'm great at loving other people. I can love on you all day, and it comes from the most raw, authentic place. But for some reason I felt blocked. Like, okay, I can love you. I can love you no matter what unconditionally, but I don't know why, but for some reason I felt like.

It's not the reverse, like, yeah, I don't know how to accept unconditional love. Mm-hmm. , I always felt like I had to perform and win and be a certain way and do certain things just to be worthy of that. And here again, that comes back to just being able to unconditionally love myself and mm-hmm. recognize my own value and worth.

So, um, I know you've shared this, this part of the story. I was driving home late from work one night, and you know, just praying over and over again. God just. Whatever it takes. Just please open this man dies. Just please make a miracle happen. Cuz I really just wanted, half of me was like, I know I gotta run.

The other half of me was like, but what if this can work? Yeah. What if a miracle can happen and this can work and we can live happily ever after. Right. Right. Well, okay, as I'm praying, God, please open this man's eyes. An even bigger miracle happen. I had the biggest epiphany of my life. God essentially opened my eyes.

Mm-hmm. . So I was driving, I remember this. I could get, I can put myself in this scenario. Like it literally just happened. It's still that real, that real to me. And this happened over five years ago, going on six years ago. I remember feeling this. Overwhelming presence. That was so powerful. It was so pronounced in intense.

I know it was God like, it's like this divine presence came over me. I felt this love and I was hysterical, crying like, and I'm not someone who cries easily. . And especially at that point, I felt so blocked emotionally. Right. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. . Um, and so it was just this overwhelming, intense, I know that God is trying to communicate to me because this is not normal.

This is not something that happened to my, you know, in my world ever. Yeah. That I felt the presence of God. I knew it was God, and I felt at that very moment, pulled the car over. I could bar. Be straight and I mean, it's like the middle of the night. I'm hysterical and I just am praying and I felt God wanting me to know how real and how powerful his love for me personally truly is.

Mm-hmm. And how much I mattered to him. Mm-hmm. And that this was not what he intended for my life, that I was accepting. far less than what he ever intended for my life. Wow. And I know that he wanted me to realize that. I was performed. I think, you know, he wanted me to change my, the way I was seeing life and, and myself, and I realized like, this is all one ginormous epiphany.

Okay? That's all happening in this window of time. I realized that I was seeing myself for years and years and years through this lens of a lot of stuff that had happened to me. A lot of unhealed trauma, and just a lot of stuff that clouded my vision. A lot of unhealed stuff. Yeah. And God was wanting me to see myself through his lens, the way he saw me had nothing to do with any of that.

He had great plans for my life, which I always sensed. Yeah. But when you're that deep in that dark place, you really can't. It's hard to believe it. It's hard to really see it. Mm-hmm. somewhere deep down. I knew it had to be better than this, but, so God, really, that was like mind blowing revelation. Like I felt God wanted me to know that he had want, he had great plans for my life and that he was going to help me in a way that only he could.

I just felt this in my spirit, this like strong sense of, oh my God. Okay. I need to just trust God on a whole other level than I've ever trusted him. Wow. So I felt hope, Gabby, for the first time in years, I felt hope in what I call a my dark darkest rock bottom place because I, at this point, I didn't wanna wake up.

I would've never ended my life personally. Because I didn't wanna hurt my family. Mm-hmm. , but I promise you I didn't wanna wake up. Yeah. Like I, if something happened to me, I would've been perfectly fine. Yeah. That's how dark mm-hmm. . So I felt hope for the very, very first time in that, in that, in that place.

Wow. So fast forward. Having to think of time . No, go for it. Fast, fast forward. Uh, God, like all these, like the strategy for how to very strategically break out of this situation because it, it really needed to be very strategic because here again, every day was like walking through a minefield. Mm-hmm. , one wrong move and I mean, he would've snapped.

So I was able, very prayerfully. It's weird how, I don't know why, like these ideas did not come to me sooner, but I was able to come up with a plan that made sense to him to cross the border, to get back where my family was. Cuz that was another issue, being able to even get back home to see my family. Wow.

Yeah. But I, but um, just to share one, one of the details, there's a bajillion, but like, I had to get my car tags renewed. Mm. In the states. And because it was. Way too expensive to be able to get them renewed where I was. So, um, and he wasn't, this was actually a godsend. He wasn't wanting to pay for it, which, thank God honestly, because this was how I, you know, I, I needed my car to get to and from work and it would've been convenienced him to have to worry about that for me.

So, like, that's honestly how I was able to. Get out, I have to get my tech go home to get my tags renewed. Yeah. And then come back. Well, when I crossed the border, I knew in my heart, like there was still this little part of me that thought maybe with some time, you know, some distance, he'll be open to counseling.

Cuz that's another thing I tried to push for, for, you know, three years. Mm-hmm. , the three years we're together and he was never open to that. Mm-hmm. . But I thought there was this little part of me that. Maybe this could still turn around. Mm-hmm. , no . Mm-hmm. . So I was able to cross the border and as I'm driving, even with that little spot in the back of my head, um, I just, I just kept driving and I knew most likely I will never turn back.

Wow. So basically, um, and I know you, I, I've shared this with you. It's like God turned the volume way up on all my senses. Literally right after crossing the border. It was Wow. Really, really bizarre because the second that I was officially like away from him, like real, like this is real. Yeah. It's like all I, I had this heightened sense of awareness towards myself.

It's like I felt what I. Jokingly say I felt naked, emotionally . It was just very bizarre. Like all these feelings and emotions were. Flooding through me. I didn't even know what to do. I didn't know how to process this, but I knew intuitively don't try to distract myself. Mm. You know? And it would've been very tempting to just find any way to distract from all of these feelings and emotions.

But at this point, I knew, okay, probably need to work through this if I'm ever gonna have a healthy relationship with myself. And eventually at some point, a healthy relat. With us, you know, and someone else moving forward. Mm-hmm. . So basically when I got back to my family's and I, you know, started life over, um, You know, it was a big, huge production, um, going through an international divorce, but Wow.

But I mean, thank God in heaven, everything all, and it all worked out. Yeah. But the biggest, um, I mean, I thank to this day, I mean here going on six years later, I still thank God every day that God had his hand on me and helped me get through all this. Cuz not everybody had this story. Yeah. The biggest thing, I mean, outside of being able to just get my life back logistically, was how I got to know who God really created me to be.

Yeah. So this is the part that I'm especially excited to share with people, cuz I feel like there's so many people out there that really don't understand what it means to have a healthy relationship with themselves. Mm. , you know, like, it sounds good on paper. It all, you can read books. It makes sense on paper, but actually living it, mm-hmm.

is a whole different ballgame. It like, and it really didn't make sense until I, I carved out time every single day. To just be alone with God. Like wow. I always love my, my long walks with God. I call him my prayer walks. Yeah, and I've done this since I was a kid, but this specific frame window of time, this timeframe, I wanted to spend very intentionally with God to soul search.

And I ask, God, I need you to show me who did you create me to be? Who am I? I wanted to get to know the real me. I wanted to work, and I asked God to please help me process all of these feelings, these emotions I asked God like, Helped me find my true, authentic self, and that was how, that was the beginning of how I overcame codependency and started forging a healthy relationship with myself every single day.

Just soul searching, getting to know this authentic s. Person. Mm-hmm. , the authentic Jennifer LaGuardia. Mm-hmm. . And it was really, I mean, it was incredible what came to me, like, so I'd be on these long walks every day, you know, before going into work. And I would text myself these divine downloads that would come to me.

And it's, that is where like that is, where the, the inspiration to do a solo cast and ultimately have my own radio show one day and going into inspirational speaking, like all these things came to me to basically help other people overcome, you know, with what I've overcome. Mm-hmm. , so like, I was like, God, I am committed to you to like, If you just help me make all this come to fruition, I realize there's a timeframe for everything to come to fruition.

But if you help me, like I am committed to you to do this. So, you know, I spent, it was a lot of months, months and months, just really getting to know my own self apart from another person. And then the biggest, the other critical piece. Really being able to overcome what I call that codependency monster.

Mm-hmm. Was really understanding what does it really mean to value and love myself, right? Because here again, I know what it means to love other people unconditionally, but I really didn't understand that for myself, and God really revealed to me, Gabi, you know, that whole performance mentality that I am constantly trying to win, win the love, you know, win love like.

you know, do whatever I can to, to be worthy. Mm-hmm. , you know, and I realize that, that my worthiness, our worthiness, every human being on this planet, our worthiness is founded in God. I believe passionately in Jesus. So I believe with all my heart, you know, my worth, my identity is founded in Christ. Like that.

Like when I really tapped into that , it's like a whole other world just exploded. It was like this internal, like it's there really. It was a, a progression for sure, but I have to say like. Every single day when I was praying about God helping me to see myself through his lens, help me to understand how to love myself, help me to know what this means to value myself and Gabby.

I kid you not it, like I woke up one morning there. It took months and months for that heaviness to kind of lighten off my heart. Cuz there was still, I mean, the trauma , you know? Yeah. It's a lot the, you know, the tr, you know what I mean? So I was still trying to process through all of this. And I woke up one morning, literally like it was all like the weight of the world was off my chest.

Literally, it was the most bizarre, like, what's different, you know? Oh, wow. Love feeling like, okay, that beast is not sitting on my chest. Like I actually feel like I just felt completely renewed. Mm-hmm. , you know, it was like the sense of lightness that I had never experienced before. It was almost like, oh my God, I feel.

Yes. I remember everything that happened, but it's almost like it didn't, like, it's like God really healed my soul. Wow. My very, very wounded, like all the brokenness. It's like God reached down and healed all of that. Wow. You know? And it was the most incredible sense that I had. So immediately, like upon waking up, that was my routine.

Wake up, have that time with God down on my walks with him. And I realized like, God, it, this was like divine download and I'm passionate about sharing this with other people that you know, we were white hardwired with divine purpose and destiny and the heart of the heavenly Father. Loves and cherishes each one of us.

And this is so hard, I feel like, in our own human comprehension to really get, but I felt this so deeply and I'm so passionate for every person listening to me to get this and at least try. God love is so madly in love with you as if you were his only one. Mm. I love that. That is, love that. And yeah, God loves you beyond like no matter what happened to you.

And we don't understand why things happen, why sick, crazy injustices happened. And you know, I consider myself lucky. I know people who have gone through infinitely worse. I'm grateful every day, but like I. Speak this enough that no matter what happens, these horrible atrocities, we don't know what ha, why God cherishes you.

Infinitely beyond anyone or anything you could possibly imagine Loving. Yeah. And wants to literally take every broken, shattered piece on the inside of you and transform it into a purpose that not only elevates you and propels you into this. Destiny, God had planned for you all along, but to be that beacon of hope for other people, a lot of what you go through isn't really just for you, it is for other people.

Yeah. And God really sh, I mean, I felt that so deeply in my spirit and it just compounded, you know, that passion inside of me to wanna help others without what I've been through. That is like the gleaming message, like the number one thing. When you really know, really recognize that you are infinitely loved, like your worth doesn't ride on another person.

It has nothing to do with how well you perform one day or. Tag on it, you might have failed miserably. The next has nothing to do with any of that. Has nothing to do with anything that happened to you. Your identity, your value and worth literally is embedded inside of God, inside of Jesus, the heart of God.

So literally, you're very, Persistence being cherished by this higher power. I call God, I call Jesus. Like that alone. Like that's, that's it. Like that's it. Yeah. So how you like the, when you know this, Your stand, like the standards you live by in every area of your life to include your relationships. Yeah.

How you allow yourself to be treated. You know, what the people that you choose to be involved with. Like it's a game changer. . Totally. Because, you know, and it really kind of hit me, you. It's so easy when there's somebody close to you, you see injured by someone else. You wanna run to that person's defense right away.

And you wanna shake that person and say, don't you see your worth more than this? You know? Yeah. How many times, you know, it's anyone listening? You know, I bet you might have a friend or someone dear, near and dear to your heart. You're like, why can't they just see like what's happening? Yeah, but why is it.

Flipping hard for us to see that in ourselves. Right, right, right. Totally. So I, that came to me. I was like, you know what? I need to be my own advocate here and recognize that it does not honor God. Me allowing my s me living substandard . I truly believe that like, It is honoring to God when we honor ourselves and be in relation, you know, to include relationally who we get involved with.

Mm-hmm. , who we interact with. It's, you know, I, I feel like truly there are many ways of worshiping and honoring God in it being and expressing God through our lives and relationships are part, are a huge part of that. So to kinda, you know, conclude, um, You know where I'm going with this for, you know, this conversation.

The number one thing that I, you know, I can't, I can't encourage enough is, is forging out. If you, if you have a relationship with God, ma, you know, be on a mission to make it deeper every single day. Mm-hmm. If you don't, I am telling you, like, not just because someone said it, like , I, you've gotta, I, you, I pray that you would e every person listening to me would have this encounter with God.

Like I've experienced this up close and deeply personal. Yeah. A relationship with God is the foundation for how you can have a healthy relationship with yourself. You can experience these divine downloads that wouldn't otherwise maybe be blocked just because of your experiences and a lot of stuff that you're struggling with.

That relationship with God will will help to. Open your eyes, , open the eyes of your heart. In your spirit and, and truly with all my heart and soul, I genuinely believe that through God all things are possible. What seems utterly, completely not doable to you. You're right, like in your, in your own strength and your own set of circumstances, you're right, probably not, but with God.

Anything is possible, and that's what gives me hope with everything that I come across moving forward. . So, I mean, that was. Very larger than life, you know, obstacle that God, you know, I got past and I mean, I'm telling you, like God will get you through anything. God will take your deepest scars and turning it into, turn it into the most beautiful masterpiece.

Mm. And I just, and I genuinely believe that when you pursue God, pursue his calling on your life, make your life be. Completely founded, centered front and center make it be God, everything else that you're desiring for your life to include that right relationship will fall into place people and and circumstances that are in divine alignment.

With your life that will manifest when you pursue God first in that divine pointed time. Mm.

Gabi: So beautiful my friend.

Jennifer: Oh my God. Thank you. God, thank you for letting me share. I really appreciate. Oh my gosh. I hope this helps anyone listening

Gabi: such a blessing. I mean, for anyone really. . Even for me, I'm like, okay, you know what?

I need to get back to the basics and make sure that I'm even spending that time, like you mentioned, how you would go for those long walks with God. It can be so easy to not be still in this life, in this world. Yeah. But that stillness. And that set aside time to be like, okay, this is just God and Me is so imperative.

Right. To hear from him. Like any relationship, if you really wanna get to know somebody, , you've gotta spend quality time with them. .

Jennifer: Yes. You can't really trust someone without really knowing them. Right. You gotta spend time with that person to really know and

Gabi: trust them. Yes. Yeah. And so, I don't know, I'm just really encouraged and challenged, like I need to get back to the basics.

Because I want what God wants for my. Oh course. I wanna understand what God says about me, how he sees me. I wanna know who I am in him. And all of that happens, like you said, with making him front and center, um, and prioritizing that. Like you, you said it again and again, like I can't say it enough,

Jennifer: like this is the thing.

I know it sounds basic, but this is the thing,

Gabi: but it's true, and we need to hear that. We need that reminder. So thank you so much my friend, for your authenticity and your willingness to share. It's truly a blessing, and I'm sure a lot of people are encouraged by this message right now.

Jennifer: Gabi, thank you so much.

I love you, my friend. I love you too with all my heart. Thank you.

Gabi: It's so, so mutual, and I would love for people to be able to connect with you following on Instagram, all the things. So if you wanna tell us like what's the best ways to connect with you, I'll put it in the show notes too, but for anyone who's just listening, let us know what that would be.

Jennifer: Yes, I would be thrilled for all of you to connect with me on Instagram. That's, that's the best way. So I'm Jennifer LaGuardia Hope on Instagram and the Solocast is Awakening Hope with Jennifer LaGuardia. If, if you click the link in my bio, you'll, you can see like all the platforms I'm on, and basically I pretty much every platform that you, you can listen to podcasts.

but all that information is, you know, featured on ins on my Instagram page when you click the Bio Awakening Hope with Jennifer LaGuardia. Again, it, that's the solo cast. But my Instagram hand handle is Jennifer LaGuardia Hope .

Gabi: I love it. I love it. And her videos and everything are so encouraging, like I said, and I'm just so grateful to.

Going through this journey of life with you and likewise my friend, able to be your friend. You're such a gift, and I'm just really glad we got to have this conversation today.

Jennifer: Thank you, Gabi. I'm honored. You're amazing and I, I just can't say enough how much I love and appreciate you. Thank you. I love you too.

Thank you everyone for listening. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.