Do you have a longing to be truly seen and known? Or is being truly seen and known scary for you because of harm that's happened to you in the past?

The truth is, all of us were designed with the desire to be truly known and loved just because of who we are. But many of us have experienced ruptured attachment or harm in the relationships that were supposed to be safest for us.

We're going to talk today through why being seen in a therapeutic relationship is so important for our healing, and I'm going to share a vulnerable story about how I discovered this to be true.

I hope that as you listen, YOU will feel seen, loved, and appreciated. Because you are so worth it.

Coaching link mentioned in the podcast: www.gabiruth.com/book-a-1on1-call

Connect with Gabi:

Instagram - @gabiruth

TikTok - @gabiruth84

Facebook - facebook.com/gabiruth84

Website - gabiruth.com

(TRANSCRIPT) Ep. 26: Coffee with Gabi! The Importance of Being Seen

Note: Transcript is produced by AI. Please excuse any errors.

Gabi: Hey friends, how are you all doing today? Okay, I am trying something new. I am going live on Facebook to record my solo episode of my podcast. Now of course, anytime you try something new, something inevitably goes wrong. So lives were not working on my computer, go figure. So I am on my phone. Uh, the audio may not be as great as it would've been if I had connected to my computer, but I didn't wanna delay any longer.

I wanted to be sure to get on. When I promised you guys that I would, and for any of you who are listening to the podcast later, I would love for you to go check out the link to my Facebook in the show notes because I'm hoping that I will be going live on Facebook, um, from now on. To record my solo episodes for the podcast, which release every Friday.

I have a guest every Tuesday. This week my guest was Bianca Cotton. If you have not checked out that interview yet, go check it out on my podcast. Pain to Passion Live. It's available on all podcasting platforms. That interview was incredible. You guys will be so blessed. By her. Um, but I wanted to just chat with you guys for a few minutes about the importance of being seen.

I know that there are two extremes when it comes to being seen. One is people who just do not want to be seen. Because bad things have happened. It has been painful, and being seen has ended in harm. I know that that was my story for a long time. On the other end is just this deep desire to be seen, which honestly, inherently in all of us, we all have that desire to be seen, unfortunately.

If that desire is paired with harm, then being seen can sound very, very scary. However, innately in all of us is the need to truly be seen in a safe space, to be known, to be understood, and to be valued as who we are, regardless of what our experience is, regardless of what our story is. It's one of the reasons why something like therapy or one-on-one coaching in, in my experience, therapy is so important and so healing because in that space, there is someone across from you witnessing you.

And they're witnessing you in an attuned way. Hopefully a good therapist or a great coach will witness you in a way that is attuned. What is attunement? Attunement is basically someone sees you, hears you, but also understands the cues from your body, from the tone of your voice, from the way that you're sitting.

All of these things, and they're, they're in tune with what your emotional state. That is really, really important. And for any of us who lacked attunement as children from our caregivers, that created a rupture in attachment, which is a whole other podcast episode for another time. But when there's a rupture in attachment than there is a trauma that happens in your soul, basically.

So when you go into a reparative or restorative relationship, such as. Client and therapist, there is so much repair that can happen. And you can actually reteach your body that it's safe to attach to people and it's safe to be seen. And real healing happens in relationship. There is some healing that can be done on your own.

Absolutely. And we can talk later about. Different gentle steps that you can take towards people that don't include people if people are very scary for you. However, the end result would be that you can be in relationship with people in a healthy way, where you can show up authentically, you can show up truly as you are and without fear.

Right. So I wanted to share a little bit of a story from me that something that happened to me that was just so poignant and it, it really was a life-changing moment for me. So, as some of you may know, um, my son Emmanuel is adopted from Ethiopia. And several years ago we were looking for different therapies for him because he was definitely struggling with some attachment issues, as many adult, many adoptees.

It is not abnormal at all, but it is something that, um, often requires profession, professional intervention. So we, uh, signed him up for something called Therapy Play. It's different from play therapy in that it's a very specific modality that is a trauma-informed attachment based modality to help children attach to their caregivers, to their parents.

If there has been an attachment. So we, um, signed him up for this modality called Therapy Play. And what Thera play involves is the therapist, the caregiver, and the child all in the room together doing activities together to restore trust and restore, um, opportunities for attachment. So before he went to his first session, which also included me, I, I believe my husband was there as well, but before that session, we did a mock session.

that was just the therapist, so the Thera Play therapist and me, and I had to pretend to be the child so that I could experience maybe what this experience would be like for Emmanuel. So we were doing these different activities. It's very connection based, so a lot of just like kind, gentle, um, attunement in the form.

eye contact in the form of gentle touch and a lot of affirmation. So at one point during this mock session where I was the child and the therapist was the therapist, the therapist reached out and grabbed my hand and she looked at my hand and started tracing the lines. in my hand like this. If you're watching the video, you can see she started gently cha tracing the lines in my hand and just said something along the lines of, wow, you have such beautiful hands.

And look at these interesting lines, these interesting lines on your hands. You're so unique. Wow, what a beautiful, amazing creation. You. Something along those lines. Now, at that time, several years ago, I was not nearly in the space of healing that I am now. If I was to do that now, I'd probably just let the tears fall.

But what happened in that moment was I felt just a wave of tears coming. Threw my head to my eyes and I just had to fight back the tears and not let them fall. Cause I didn't want her to see me cry. This was a mock therapy session and it wasn't even supposed to be about me. It was supposed to be about my son.

Um, but something about the fact that she had grabbed my hand so gently and was paying attention to something unique about me just broke me. totally broke me. And why is that? It's because I realized that up until that point, I had never really had an experience of simply being seen for who I was, not for something that I had achieved, not for a performance I had done, not for something I had created, but just for who I.

right there in the room. I had never experienced being seen and valued completely for something that I just inherently was someone with a hand that had lines on it that taught me something that was invaluable. That taught me that every single human on this planet, even if you're a parent like I was, who is trying to care for a child like I was and needing to embrace the caretaker role like I was, even if you're that at that point in your life, you still need someone to see you and value you exactly where you are as you.

For no other reason than because you exist and because you exist, you are valuable. Because you exist. You matter. . That changed my life. It changed my life because it opened my eyes to see that I needed to find a space that was like that for me. And it took time. It took time. You guys, and I wanna talk about this on another episode sometime, because I know how hard it can be to find a healing professional that's really a good fit for you.

But it took time. But that time was worth it because once I finally did find a therapist that was so safe for. And who saw me and attuned with me in the way that I needed, like my healing just skyrocketed. Because it is that inherent knowing that you are okay. As you are exactly as you are right now. In this moment, you are okay as a human being.

You are valuable, you are loved, you are worthwhile, you are precious, period. Doesn't matter what you've done, what you haven't. . Doesn't matter what you're creating, what you haven't created, doesn't matter. None of that matters because you are a human being created in the image of God. You are precious, you are valuable, and you deserve to be seen.

And it's in that scene. It's in that witnessing, that healing really starts to take place because rupture. Rupture happens in relationship. Trauma happens in relat. , right? That's what happens. So healing also has to happen in relationship. So I hope and pray that each and every one of you finds yourself worthy.

to be in a relationship, whether it's a therap therapeutic relationship with a therapist or a safe space with your spouse or a safe space with a safe friend, you find yourself worthy of being seen exactly as you are, how you are not trying to perform or achieve anything to prove your value, but that you will know in that relationship that you are worthwhile, you are valuable, and you are priceless.

Period. End of. I hope that you will have an experience like I had where someone reaches out to you and sees something about you that just simply is because you exist and tells you that it is amazing because you are amazing. The power of being seen cannot be underestimated. The power of being seen can change everything, and I wish and hope for each of you to find a space to be seen if you're looking for a space like that.

I love to provide this space for people. If I am a good fit for you, then I can create that space for you. You can go to my website. I offer free connection calls, 15 minutes. We can connect with each other and see if maybe we can work together and help you start on your healing journey of knowing that you are valuable, loved, and worthwhile, exactly as you are, how you are.

So go check that out. I'll put the link in the show notes. You're amazing. I love you. I'm so grateful for you. Whether you're watching here on Facebook or whether you're listening to the podcast later, I am so thankful that I get to create this community, this safe space where we can heal together, we can grow together.

We can know that our stories matter, and hopefully we will all. The unique and beautiful callings that we have on our lives. I love you guys, and I'll talk to you next time. Bye.