This interview I got to have with Bianca Cotton was pure joy.

Her incredible heart and spirit shine through in this episode of Pain to Passion Live, and you are all going to adore her!

We had such a great conversation, and I could have listened to Bianca's wisdom all day. She shared about her journey to becoming a writer, and how writing started her healing process and has continued to be a therapeutic experience ever since. I loved talking about the power of authenticity and vulnerability, and how once we access that, true healing can begin.

She also shared about how important it has been to learn to recognize and move through fear, and how she has never regretted pushing through her fears because something beautiful has always come on the other side.

We also talked about her newest book, Captivating Confidence, and her heart for women to truly, deeply love themselves, to heal, and to learn how to care for themselves in a way where their lives can be joyful and sustainable and full of purpose.

This woman is tender and powerful, and I am so grateful we had this opportunity to chat. I can't wait to hear your takeaways as a listener!

And as always, please rate and review the podcast. It helps so much get the word out so others can be encouraged, too!

More about Bianca:

Bianca N. Cotton is a hope dealer whose smile radiates the room. She is a wife, mom, author of 5 books, and founder of Behind the Confident Smile; a movement where women and girls are inspired to walk in love, live in hope and be healed from past hurts. In her newly released book, Captivating Confidence: An 11-Step Guide to Develop a Healthy Relationship with Yourself and Own Your Inner Greatness, she talks about not suffering silently and equipping you with tools to be a healthier you.

Connect with Bianca:

Instagram - @biancancotton @behindtheconfidentsmile @behindtheconfidentsmilepodcast

Website - behindtheconfidentsmile.com

Podcast - Behind the Confident Smile [On the following platforms: Anchor, Spotify, Apple, and Google]

Connect with Gabi:

Instagram - @gabiruth

TikTok - @gabiruth84

Facebook - facebook.com/gabiruth84

Website - gabiruth.com

(TRANSCRIPT) Ep. 25: Moving Through Fear - Bianca Cotton

Note: Transcript is created by AI. Please excuse any errors.

Gabi: Hey, beautiful friends. Welcome back to Pain to Passion Live. Today is a wonderful day because I get to talk with. The beautiful and amazing Bianca Cotton. I'm so thrilled that I have gotten to connect with her. Um, I actually heard her first on Dr. Allison Cook's podcast. Um, she was, I believe my second episode with, with Dr. Allison, and I just loved you. You had the best heart, the best spirit, and. So much wisdom and I am really, really thrilled that you said yes and that you're here today. So thank you for being here, Bianca.

Bianca: My pleasure. Thanks for inviting me.

Gabi: Absolutely. I'm just so thrilled. Um, and I don't tend to read bios.

On my podcast because I like to hear what people say about themselves. Mm-hmm. , I think it's very interesting, um, because it's usually quite different than what you'd read in like a technical bio. I will put your bio in the show notes, , but I would love for you to just tell us who you are, where you're located, and what you do.

Bianca: Yes. And those are all loaded questions. . Who is Bianca? Bianca is a Hope dealer. I, why am I so drawn to helping people have hope is because I know what despair feels like. Mm-hmm. And. I'm a wife, a mom of three. I've written five books and, you know, dot, dot, dot, right? Like, there's plenty, um, I can say about that.

But who am I? I am one who likes to focus on pursuing my purpose with passion and fervor and. Truly being in alignment with God and what he has for my life. So I've learned over the years how to yield to his purpose for my life and not fight against good. Uh, I am located in Chicago and what I, I have a full-time job, uh, in the nonprofit sector.

And I also, uh, just love to write, like, I just wanna reiterate that writing is really how my healing journey got started. Mm-hmm. writing to heal from trauma started for me 12 years ago. Wow. And I've been on a journey ever since.

Gabi: Ooh, intriguing. That's a great segue, , because I would absolutely love to hear your story. I was reading through some of the articles and things about you, and I noticed that repeated, uh, story of how writing has helped you heal. Yeah. And your purpose is beautiful, which you can expound more on what that purpose is. But how did you get to.

Space, like what is your story and how did you become this person that you are today?

Bianca: Hi, y'all ready? ? We're ready. 12 . 12 years ago. I was a senior in undergrad, I believe. Yeah. I think if I got my dates right and I had experienced. Traumatizing experiences and childhood when I went away to college, for me that was more of a time and space to really figure out how I could heal.

Mm-hmm. and what that meant. And it was something about my senior year. I don't know if that was my breaking point. Where I went to the counseling center on campus and sat down with a counselor and was like, mm, not feeling this guy . So I didn't go back. Mm-hmm. , and I can't remember who encouraged me. It was like, you should try writing.

And I've always kept diaries throughout my life and had the Lisa Frank Diaries with the little lock and the key.

Gabi: They were so great.

Bianca: They were so cute. Right. Um, then I would break the key and then can't get back into trying, you know, things like that the kids do. So I started writing and it felt like what was on my heart, just.

Came out like a flood and I couldn't stop writing. And my writing came out poetically. And that's how my first book was born through my earlier writings. Wow. And it just flowed out poetically, like everything that had been weighing me down just kept coming out, kept coming out. I remember one time I was sitting in my dorm room and I think I wrote eight poems in one sitting.

Wow. Because, , I needed to get it out for so long. I had suppressed how I really felt about, yeah, things, how I really felt about encounters and experiences and like behind the confidence, smile, right? Mm-hmm. , um, but hide behind the smile. And I don't think at that time it was really intentional. It was just what I thought I needed to do to.

and I got to this place where it's like I'm tired of carrying it. It's, it is impacted me physically. I had eye switches and uh, chest pains that the doctor couldn't figure out. They gave me a heart monitor and it was like, your heart is fine. I was just like, I'm not fine. Yeah, and it was stress. It was the stress of suppressing.

Yeah. Everything that I kept bottled up and writing was the tool that helped me to heal, and I continue to write to this day, it's, it's so freeing. Writing for me is like a breath of fresh air. Mm-hmm. If I go too long without doing it, I feel tight and, um, cluttered. So that's how I got started. Wow. On my healing journey of, okay, Bianca, you, you gotta let some stuff go.

And I was like, I, I don't know how right writing became my, how that as I started writing, there were select a few, maybe two people, my mom and a friend at the time I would share my writings with. And they was like, this is good. You should publish a book. And I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait. , this is my personal journal.

I'm not over this stuff that I wrote about. No, not doing it, but they planted that seed. Mm. And that seed grew years later, but the seed was there.

Gabi: Wow. That is so powerful. I think for me it's similar with the writing, um, just how it's such an act of release. Yes. And it can be, especially if you don't put any rules on yourself.

Exactly. Right. Which I know for some people, and even for me at first when I first started writing to heal, like you're saying, um, I kept thinking about structure and like , all of these things that had been trained to do, but that act of releasing it, like getting it out of your body Yes. Right. Is so powerful and healing in itself because as you mentioned, like it stays stored inside of you.

Oh. , you're having those eye twitches, your, your heart's not working. Correct. Correctly. For me, it was migraines. Mm-hmm. . And you have to find a way to get it out. Yeah. Right. What, what was your experience of like, like even just physically or even your experience of feeling heavy versus light in the world after you started utilizing that tool of writing?

Bianca: It was a sense of I'm no longer keeping secrets. Oh, wow. Like I no longer have to put up this facade. Like everything is okay. Um, I no longer need to carry caring responsibility. That's not mine to Carrie. But it is my responsibility to go on this healing journey mm-hmm. , because no one can do that for me.

Yeah. If, if I am aching on the inside, no other person can take that away or say, I'll write it for you. Mm-hmm. , like, I have to do that for. . Yeah. And so the burden started lifting and it also helped enhance my relationships because now the relationship I have with myself is becoming more honest and more transparent, and I'm showing up in a more authentic way.

So now I can have healthier relationships with other people because now I have a healthier relationship with myself. Hmm.

Gabi: That's powerful. Yeah. That's really, really powerful. I think we don't think about that ripple effect at first. Mm-hmm. , when we start engaging in our process of healing, like we are so desperate to feel better

Right? We don't understand that it's gonna have this ripple effect on literally every other relationship.

Bianca: Literally everything. I mean even including down to when we talk about purpose. It's a lot of conversation about and questions, what is my purpose? I wanna know my purpose. I wanna know my purpose. , let me tell y'all a little tip.

In order to get there, healing has to take place. Hmm. Because the last thing I, we, we want to happen and want to see. is you're operating in the lane you haven't healed from the past hurt. Yeah. And how that can impact the way that you show up and deliver your business and show up and write your book and show up in mother and wife and all the things, right?

Mm-hmm. , if, if there is an intention, intentional time dedicated to what's going on in here and in here. Mm-hmm. and seeing a therapist or talking to your pastor or being in community with friends and telling them, you know, hold me accountable for my goals of taking time to really uproot or, and or even get to the root of why I suffer inside, and so why I deal with perfectionism or, or why I'm addicted to X, y, and Z.

Mm-hmm. because they can help inform you moving forward and identifying what are my triggers? I don't like when people raise they voice. Okay, that's good for you to know. But do you know why though? Mm-hmm. , is there something that occurred, um, that takes you back to that memory? Yeah. And, and how to heal from that place and space and allow the, the.

Little, you, the little girl to be loved on mm-hmm. .

Gabi: Yeah. Did writing and telling that truth, which by the way, I just love that because the truth sets us free. Yes. Right. Did that, um, was that like a natural segue into understanding the importance of community? Because I know. We can't heal completely on our own right, and God created us in a way where we need to heal in relationship with other people.

So, I'm not sure what your relationships were like before you started writing, but you've mentioned that they were enhanced mm-hmm. by you telling the truth and releasing those burdens. So what was that process like for you to find healthy community? Mm-hmm. . And what advice would you give to someone who's, who's wanting those kinds of friends that can keep them accountable like you're talking about?

I'd just love to hear your thoughts on that.

Bianca: It was scary. . . Yeah. Um, and I say scary because

I was challenged with sharing my truth. Mm-hmm. , um. I could write it, but it is different than talking about it. Right? So different.

I can share it in writing in my journal to myself. Mm-hmm. . But it's a . That's first step, right? Mm-hmm. , the next step is, who am I gonna talk to? Who? . Oh, no, no. Like, that's scary.

Why would I share this with someone who, who maybe I've been in friendship with or is a new, a new friend. Because now I feel so uncomfortable. Mm. What if I run them away? What if they look at me weird? What? What if I'm judged like mm-hmm. . And you start feeling anxious. , right? Mm-hmm. . So all the things I experienced, but it really took God sending people to me.

Cause I didn't go to people

He really sent people. To me and I would test it out, you know, maybe not the first conversation, but a couple of conversations, uh, down the line and start sharing a little bit about myself and watch how they responded. Mm-hmm. , because I'm scared, I'm scared to expose myself because I've been. and the arena of relationship and friendship.

So I'm mm-hmm. kind of guarded, you know, I don't wanna, I don't wanna experience that hurt anymore. Mm-hmm. , but I really want healthy friendship, so I'm need to figure this thing out. Right. , it's like what I want is on the other side of fear, but I fear being, So God help me, like direct me. Um, and that's what I would say, like pray and ask God to highlight people to you and either put them in your path or you and theirs, and ask for discernment on what to share with who and who to build with and befriend.

Um, And the season of your life. Mm-hmm. ,

Gabi: I just loved all of that. Like that was so beautiful and really different than how a lot of people would probably have answered that question. . Um, just like how honest you were like. I was scared. And I love that because I think all of us are scared at first when we're facing that situation.

Like maybe looking back, some of us could say, and then I did A, B, and C and that, you know, it all worked out. But that doesn't really help when you're in that emotion of like, this is scary.

Bianca: Like you scared like Yeah. Say for instance, I, one of my really good friends, um, We met at a women's event that our church at the time hosted.

I think I was on maternity leave and my husband was like, you should go, go out, get some fresher air. I was like, it's wintertime. I don't wanna go anywhere. . I went anyway and we ended up on the same bowling lane. And I, I don't even remember exactly what I said. Um, or if she approached me and said Hi, but since that day we've been connected.

Aw. But it was scary. Yeah, because I was guarded. Um, and she could pick up on that and later she told me like, yeah, I could tell that. You were, you were guiding yourself and maybe some things that happened to you and, uh, you were thanking me for being nice to you,

stuff like that, right? Mm-hmm. . And I just think back to that time and what if she hadn't like noticed mm-hmm. that I was apprehensive. mm-hmm. and stayed around anyway. Right. Yeah. That was a blessing. And that friendship in particular helped to heal that womb. Mm-hmm. and blessing the fear of starting over again in new friendships and adulthood, but it, it took one.

Put myself out there again. Mm-hmm. , even if I was apprehensive. Mm-hmm. .

Gabi: Yeah. Well, well done. First of all, , but I also love how you mentioned two things. You mentioned that you basically noticed, like God brought the people. . Mm-hmm. . And I think that's beautiful to remember that he sees us. Yeah. And he will give us what we need.

Bianca: Oh, yes. Right. Yes. And that's what he did.

Gabi: I had time again. Yes, absolutely. And that's what he did for you in the bowling lane. Yes. Putting this woman right next to you, like someone who had the insight to see like, oh, Bianca's kind of apprehensive and something's going on there, but we're gonna, we're gonna get through this

You know, that wouldn't have been everyone to have that kind of insight. Um, and I love that. I love that God is, Personal like that. Yeah. And so intentional to give us what we need, but also how you mentioned like you had to overcome Yeah. Some of those fears, which is a lot of what you talk about for Yeah.

Anyone who doesn't know anything about yet, like you talk a lot about. Fear and overcoming fear and how like there's so much goodness on the other side of fear. Yeah. So what are some other situations where you've had to face fear like that and have realized that walking through it. Is a blessing.

Bianca: Yeah.

Who sometimes it don't feel like a blessing upfront, right?

Gabi: Oh no, absolutely.

Bianca: side, like, okay. Like I'm building my overcoming muscle. Yes. Um, another experience was starting my blog. Mm. Back in 2017, that's how behind the confidence Smile was born. Um, through blogging, God gave me a directive, encouraged women through blogging, and I said, what?

I hear that, are you sure I didn't do it right? two months later. I go back and sh say a similar prayer as to what led me to that, and I was like, okay, I'll start blogging. And, but it was a fear I had to overcome because what I was being asked to blog about was to sh open up a little bit and share. My journey, I've overcoming different challenges and it's like I want people to know me like that.

I don't, I want people in my business like, you want me put this on the worldwide world? ? Oh no.

That was a fear that I had to overcome a vulnerability and. Will I say the right things and who's going to read this? Mm-hmm. , like, will people read it? Do I have something to say enough for somebody to read this? And the more I kept writing and sharing that, let me, let me show you how much fear had to grip on me.

I wasn't even post it to social media. I would just text it to people.

Gabi: Oh my gosh, I love that .

Bianca: I wrote a new pro and then eventually I built a muscle and was encouraged, oh, you should start a light page. I said, A light page on Facebook on the wasn't enough that the blog is up. Like, well, if you don't tell people about it, don't mean anything.

I was like, see, but that's each step. I literally had to walk that out. And almost six years later, I don't blog anymore. I podcast now. Right? Yeah. But, and have five books later and have hosted with least the field workshops and do speaking engagements. But what if I never wrote the first blog post? Hmm.

And got over that fear. I would not be sitting here with you today. Yeah. Talking about what I've overcome. Mm-hmm. Because I would still be stuck. Mm-hmm. .

Gabi: Yeah. And I'm sure as your journey has gone on, the opportunities have grown, but so has the opportunity for fear .

Bianca: Oh yeah. I mean, fear is always there, like trying to talk to me and I'm like, not today, because I know now I, I have the tools, I'm equipped.

When I feel it, I know what that is. That means there's something on the other side. So I will keep walking. Mm-hmm. .

Gabi: Yeah. Is there something practical that you do when you're faced with the fear and you're like, no, I don't wanna do this? Like, how do you actually take that first step?

Bianca: Hmm. That's a good question.

Now, when I feel fear rise up, I acknowledge it. Like I feel it. Mm-hmm. , I'm not going to succumb to it. And sometimes I'll say that out loud. Mm-hmm. Or in my head, um, if I'm around people , right. But if I'm by myself, I'll say, you know what I'm, I'm feeling afraid. Of X, Y, and Z and I think this is Y, but I'm gonna pursue it anyway.

Mm-hmm. and I literally take the step to push through fear. So if that's calling someone and asking them to be on my podcast and I don't know them from nowhere. Right. If that is, um, advocating for myself. I'm gonna do it. What, whatever that, that next is that you are fearing, that is the next practical step.

Hmm. If that is, uh, if you say, I'm fearful of sharing my boundaries with my husband around, like, I wanna go to bed at Tenon, the next step is to share that like, you know what I'm feeling. Uh, afraid, scared, or I feel like rejection, um, that's trying to take over me, but this is what I need. Mm-hmm.

Gabi: Yeah, it’s so good.

So, and have you ever regretted it?

Bianca: No. Yeah. , no. .

Gabi: Yeah. That's a good, that's a good thing to have in perspective. I think just even just hearing you say that you have a, you've never regretted like pushing through that fear. No. That's inspiring in and of itself because a lot of the time our fears are like, but what if this happens?

Yeah.

Bianca: I, I mean, but you'll never know. Right, exactly. Unless you do it, and most of the time, It's not the thing that happens. Mm-hmm. . Yeah, because the, the thing about fear has cousins comparison. Mm. Doubt. Self-sabotage. All the things to keep you from moving forward in life.

Yeah. And if a door does close, right, say for instance you like, I wanna go after that job, and you don't get it, it's okay. Because now what you've done is you face that fear. Mm-hmm. . So that helps you to continue to pursue what it is you desire and build up, build up resistance towards rejection. , like I may face rejection on this journey.

Mm-hmm. , that's okay, but it's not going to stop me from staying focused. Mm-hmm. on the goal. Yeah.

Gabi: So I mean, all of those cousins that you just talked about, are wrapped up in our identity, like who we believe that we are. Yeah. So as you have. , like lived this message of pushing through the fear and believing God.

Yeah. In the midst of all of that, like how has that, um, changed or expanded how you view yourself and your identity.

Bianca: That’s so good. I'm gonna answer that question. Also, add a piece, another practical, um, tip that I do when I feel fear is I. Yeah. Um, I just paused and I pray, uh, and, and ask God to show me what is really going on, um, and to give me the strength and the wisdom to move forward.

Uh, but how, how have I seen myself? I'm like been shown to myself. , I've started to see the reason why I was created. Wow. Like taking off the layers, right. That society try to put on us or other people's systems, structures, unmasking. Mm-hmm. taking off the layers. I'm better able to see clearer. Mm-hmm. . To think with one mind, not a double mind, and to operate in peace and joy and to and, and to truly have a better relationship with myself.

On the good days and the bad days. Mm-hmm. and the, uh, I'm so tired. Days . Yeah. And, and, and asking God to meet me in all those moments.

Gabi: I love that. So, so good. And we all need that. Yeah. And. , of course you're sharing this with so many people because you want others to experience this as well, right? Mm-hmm. , so your most recent book, right, is Behind the Confidence, smile,

Bianca: Captivating Confidence

Gabi: Oh, okay. Captivating Your, your podcast, yeah.

Is behind the Confidence Smile. Yeah. And your most recent book is Captivating Confidence. I would love to hear like, what is the message? In there. It's all tied up with what we've already been talking about, but I'd love to hear from your heart, like what is it that you wrote and why?

Bianca: Oh, okay. How much time we got.

So, captivating, , captivating confidence and 11 step guide to developing a healthy relationship with yourself and only your integr is Whew. It stem from a deep place for me. Um. and short I wanted and still want, and I desire for women to truly love themselves. First. Hmm. Sometimes, a lot of times we are giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving.

Pour, pour, pour, pour, pour. And it just never end until you are at the bottom of your cup, literally like the bottom of your cup. And you say, I am birthed out. I am exhausted. I can do no more. I can think about nothing else. I don't wanna see a task, a to-do list. Don't call me, don't text me. Before we can get there, and if you are there, don't be discouraged.

Um, this book is about making sure you're good. Mm-hmm. first and understand the importance of I need to love myself enough to make sure I'm good. Right. I'm, am I checking in with myself? Am I checking in with God? Am I checking in with my mind? Am I checking in with my heart? Am I checking my baggage? I can't be out here achieving go, getting, accomplishing, doing all the things, but if I'm not good, it's, that's sustainable.

Mm-hmm. So that is the heart and the essence of captivating confidence and thinking about the scripture where it says, love your neighbor as you love yourself. Yeah. How can I love my neighbor if I don't love myself first? Right. And that's what a giving, giving, giving. Point, point, point of being, all things to all people comes from.

But if I'm loving myself, I'm able to check that like. This is how much I have to give because I'm given from my overflow, not from my cup. I love that. Yeah. And so that is, and and captivating confidence is born from my life's testimony. Mm-hmm. and journey of pushing, going to get what I.

But in the midst of all of that, still suffering. Yeah, internally. So now I'm in a place where I'm owning all parts of me my story, embracing it all, maintaining a healthy relationship with. Not so that I can go get more, but because I deserve it. Yeah.

Gabi: That part. . Yeah, ,

Bianca: It's like, I'm not doing this so I can go do that.

It's like mm-hmm. , I, I wanna love me. Mm-hmm. and what does loving me look like practically? Am I drinking my water? Am I eating lunch? Am I exercising? Am I listen, listening to edifying music and sermons and podcasts, like whatever the its is, how am I taking a moment daily to love on me? Because if I'm expecting that other people to love me and I don't love myself, that's not okay either.

Mm-hmm. . Yeah.

Gabi: Yeah. I mean, I think sometimes, especially like in church world, we can think that loving ourselves is, can be falling into selfishness, , you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. , um, where even that phrase love yourself, at least around me would, I was in my formative years, it was. Kind of a taboo thing to say, like, love yourself.

I love how this is coming back around now where the conversation is happening again, because like you said, you can try to please others or you can try to achieve and achieve, but if you're not right in yourself, like there's gonna be so much emptiness and so much brokenness, and it's going to trickle down to whoever comes after you.

Yeah. We'd want that to stop, right? These generational things, we want to be the ones that make. Decision, like we're drawing a line in the sand and this is not happening. No more anymore. . Yeah. So for you just talking about like generational blessing really is what you're creating, like how have you seen this affecting.

Not just your children, although your children are a huge part of that, but even like the women who encounter this message, like what kind of changes are you seeing in people's lives as they embrace this message?

Bianca: Freedom. Mm. And what I mean by freedom is free to speak their mind, free to say, I'm scared, free to.

Exercise Vulner. and talk about how they feeling outside of sad, angry, happy, like, yeah, looking at the feelings. Well, how are you doing today? How are you feeling today? What do you need? I've seen so many women break through and write books and start businesses because they've overcome that. They've overcome the fear and a lot of is too crowded.

We don't need another blog. We don't need another book. It's like, but your voice is your voice. Yeah. Period. So if you don't write it, who will mm-hmm. because you are you and you are exactly uniquely and wonderfully created. So I've seen that and it's been beautiful to, to watch women of all age. and teenage girls just walk with more power and confidence and authority and they're birthright.

Gabi: Yes. So cool. I got chills when you said teenagers. Cause I'm like, Ah. To see teenagers like that can walk freely and confidently in who they're created to be. Like, I can't even imagine that.

Bianca: like, like wait till they become adults, right? It's like, yeah, be If you can get this now as a teenager. I am just waiting for you.

Yes. Okay. .

Gabi: Yes. It's so exciting. It's so exciting. So I'm so grateful, like for your courage and your voice because it is creating something beautiful that's unfolding in so many other people's lives. So thanks for saying yes. Finally to the blog .

Bianca: I know, right?

Gabi: and all that has come after. It's so good. So.

Yeah. Um, I would love to hear too, like, how has this affected you as a parent? Because being a parent, once you, once that role comes into your life, you're like, whoa. It's like so disorienting, . It is. Uh, because all of a sudden you have like, , these people that are dependent on you, . Yeah. In so many ways.

Physically, emotionally, spiritually. So how has all of this affected you as a mom?

Bianca: Hmm. One of my major learnings is this taught me to ask for help. Mm. So good. I mean, and that's, that in itself can be unpacked, right? Oh, for sure. Um, as a woman who wants to do it all, it's like, yeah, that's not even realistic.

I, mm-hmm. . I wrote a blog post about this, like I took the s off my chest and I put my cape down a long time ago because I realized I couldn't. Now, neither should I try. Mm-hmm. , I'm married. Like it even taught me like how to ask for more. Mm-hmm. , you know, uh, say more what I needed. But in parenting, definitely asking for help definitely has made me a more patient understanding.

Empathetic person that's also sh um, made me more mindful of how trauma can occur. Hmm. Yeah. And being, uh, mindful of the words I say, the behaviors I demonstrate, it has held me accountable for staying on my healing journey. Yeah. Um, sounds about just a couple of things that come to mind. Yeah. But it's, yeah.

To, to really model back to what you said, generational blessings. I wanna be a blessing. How do I model them? Mm-hmm. , because I've seen and experience the, the things that I don't wanna pass down. Mm-hmm. . So modeling what I do wanna pass down. And hope and pray that it's being received and understood in a way that they can understand it at the ages that they are at.

Gabi: Yes, absolutely. And imagine like if you hadn't done the work to really understand who you were and to become free from all of these things that you are holding onto, imagine just how differently all of this would've played out. Yeah, it's. The grace of God, like is so, so beautiful and it's so evident on your life and on the lives of all the women who decide, like it ends here

Yeah. For doing this differently. So, um, I know you took your S off, but still, superhero moment, . I just think it's beautiful and so powerful. Um, and of course as well, , you have been a career woman. You have had so many plates that you're juggling and motherhood comes along and you have to make choices as well as far as what you do with your time.

Oh, definitely. And how, what you say yes to, like how do you prioritize that in your life?

Bianca: Yeah. You know, with each season of life. I reflect on it. So currently in this season, um, that I'm in, I was like, I have a limit of speaking engagements. I'll do a month. Um, Because that takes preparation and mental and emotional energy.

I also ensure that I can get a nap once a week. , good for you. There's, there's some non-negotiables here. Like if it's not a nap, I'm going somewhere by myself. Right? Um, and also knowing that the sacrifices that I'm making now will serve me later. Mm-hmm. , because my children will not be little kids. Yeah.

All the time. And yeah. Planting the season, investing their time now is critically important and being present and fully present. , it's really important to me. So yes, it's, I have a planner. I sit down, I look at my calendar. I literally map out my time and I map out when I need to rest. Map out date nights.

Like if it's not on the schedule, it is not on the schedule. . Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And that is how I'm living my life right now. Now, if. I would've told the single Bianca that this is how V lived my life. She would've laughed at me. . Yep. Like, you schedule time for friends. What? Like . Where's this? I nanny it at, you know?

Gabi: Yep. Totally different world. Totally different.

Bianca: And I've been leaning into that. Mm-hmm. . And so, Coming with change can come grief of what absolutely you used to be able to do, and I've leaned into that too. Mm-hmm. . And I'm okay with experiencing what comes along with the transitions of life and the joys and the pains of it.

Gabi: Yeah, I think that's an important thing to note because we can kind of just transition from season to season and grit our teeth and be like, it's okay. This is what I'm supposed to be doing and not address that grief. Um, but it is very, very real. Every, every transition honestly comes the grief of some kind.

Transitions are hard , they are just, even if it's a transition from one good thing to another, good thing, right? It's hard, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. So, which, I mean, it circles all the way back to just that honesty of even writing it down. Like I'm gonna say how I actually feel, and that can be so healing and helpful in and of.

So I like I very much appreciate that you mentioned that as well. So thank you for that. Appreciate, I know we are running out of time, but you have been just so much fun to talk to .

Bianca: You have been too. This has been a pleasure.

Gabi: Aw, thank you friend. I really appreciate that. I, I genuinely mean.

I'm like, oh, this has been just so enjoyable, . So thank you. I would love for you to let us know, um, the best ways to connect with you because if people are listening, they're gonna love you . Um, if they don't know you already. So what are the best ways for them to get to connected with you?

Bianca: Yes, so I have a newsletter, so you can subscribe to my email list at behind the confidence mail.com.

You can find my books there. Old Block Post podcast. Speaker request and also on Instagram, which I'm there a lot, at Bianca and Cotton and all the other handles are present there. So that's where you can find me. Come breathe with me. I do breathe videos. Yes. And come be inspired to release your fears and shake in with yourself and own your inner greatness because you are worth it.

Gabi: You are worth it. Yes, I love it. And I'll be sure to include all of that in the show notes as well. So if you're listening and you wanna get connected with Bianca, um, go ahead and check out the show notes. All the links will be there. But thank you friend for your time. Thank you for your beauty and your wisdom and all of that you've offered us today.

I really appreciate it. Pleasure, and I'll talk to you soon.

Bianca: All right. Bye.