S2E19: Coffee with Gabi! What Does "Success" Mean Anyway?
Welcome back to another episode of Pain to Passion Live! In this episode, I find myself in the familiar setting of a Starbucks parking lot, where inspiration always seems to strike.
It's funny how our ideal podcasting setup doesn't always match the locations where we feel most inspired, right? But hey, even in the show "Only Murders in the Building," their podcasting success comes from recording on their phones, so we're in good company. ;)
Now, let's dive into the heart of today's discussion: success. We often associate success with external outcomes, like financial achievements or business milestones. But what if we shifted our perspective? What if success was defined by the integrity of keeping promises to ourselves and taking action, regardless of the immediate results? In this episode, I explore this paradigm shift and how it can lead to a more fulfilling and sustainable sense of success.
I also share a powerful concept called "body doubling," especially helpful for those with ADHD, and how it ties into redefining success. So, if you've ever felt stuck in a cycle of chasing results that never seem to satisfy, join me in reshaping our understanding of success. And if you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend and don't forget to subscribe for more exciting guests and discussions coming up soon. Thanks for tuning in!
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(TRANSCRIPT) S2E19: Coffee with Gabi! What Does “Success” Actually Mean?
Note: Transcript is created by AI. Please excuse any errors.
Gabi: [00:00:00] Hello again, my beautiful friends, and welcome back to Pain to Passion Live. I am once again, as per usual, reporting to you from the Starbucks parking lot. It's so funny to me that this is where I end up podcasting a lot of the time. I feel a little bit silly because I have like this nice microphone and a really nice webcam and all the things to make this super profesh.
But I just hit inspiration when I'm in a parking lot when I'm doing these episodes on my own. So my guest podcasts will still be coming at you from my computer and my nice. Microphone and camera. Um, but for now, let's just stick to this. I felt a little bit better. I don't know if any of you guys watch the show only murders in the building.
If you [00:01:00] haven't watched it, by the way, it's amazing. Um, but. Their podcast in that show gets like super, super popular and they have tons of listeners and stuff, but they end up still just wanting to record from their phones. And I was like, see, I'm not the only one, even though they're fake, they're not, it's not even real, but it's still validating to me, you know, you find validation where you can.
So anyway, on to the point of this episode, I want to talk about success. Like, what does success mean anyway? I have had this conversation, if I'm counting right, three or four times in the last week with clients of mine about success. How every single one of these amazing, brilliant women is struggling to feel successful.
And they're so frustrated by their lack of, quote, [00:02:00] success. And it just has I've brought the question up many times with these women. So what does success actually mean to you? And inevitably it's something like most of us would think success would be. It's either having a certain amount of money in the bank or being successful in the business that you want to launch.
Again, see, I even use the word successful, like having your business take off, having lots of clients, having people want to buy your product, um, this kind of thing. Like this is the mark of success. And the problem is, and with each of these women, the problem has been this very idea of success is exactly the thing that has been holding them back from experiencing success.
So let me back up a little bit. What do I mean by that? What I mean [00:03:00] is each of these Women, again, beautiful, brilliant, amazing, capable women, every single one of them. Each of them has an idea in mind of what their success should look like and inevitably they have all attempted to find this success using some kind of road map, right?
Then they try the thing and the thing does not end up working. Like they expected it to. Maybe they didn't get clients. Maybe no one bought their thing. Maybe not enough people showed up for the event that they have been planning. Those kinds of things. Maybe they didn't make the money, the paycheck that they thought they were going to make a specific month or something like that.
So what happens is in that moment, because they have been counting on this success to make them feel successful, both with quotes around them, is [00:04:00] that they're completely deflated. They get so deflated, and I'm sure you can understand this. I'm sure you've had this feeling in your life before. They feel like the air has just all gone out of them.
They're not excited about doing the thing anymore. And the worst part is, it's extremely, extremely difficult to get motivated to try again. So, how can we change this? Because that's a normal human experience, right? When you have a certain expectation and that expectation goes unmet, it ends up in disappointment and fear of trying again.
That's totally normal. But what if there was a paradigm shift about what success means? What if success looked different and felt different to your body? What if you could tell your nervous system and your body and your mind that [00:05:00] success actually meant keeping your promises, doing the things that you said you were going to do, not seeing the rewards that you said you're going to see or the results that you said you're going to see.
But, doing the tasks that you said you were going to do. Having integrity. What if you, having total integrity in what you do, regardless of whether or not others buy into it. What if that equated to success? So, I have. One, one friend and we were talking about this and we were, we were talking about body doubling.
If you are an ADHD or you may have heard this concept of body doubling before, um, basically what it is, is if you have an ADHD brain like I do and many others. It's much easier to get things accomplished [00:06:00] when you are around other people, whether or not those people are doing the thing with you. It's just a matter of that sense of accountability for your nervous system and your brain by having other people around you.
For me, for example, this is why I end up at Starbucks a lot because I can get a lot more done when I'm sitting in the presence of other people. It's called body doubling. So we were talking about, um, her doing some body doubling sessions, like virtually and going to coffee shops and stuff like that, and actually doing the tasks that she promised herself that she would do.
This is a great space for her to reward herself. She has a goal in mind. And she's doing the tasks that she needs to do to get there. But instead of just celebrating the result of those tasks and what it brings to her, she's celebrating the fact that she did the task. That she had the integrity to say, Today I'm going to do X, [00:07:00] Y, Z.
And she went to a coffee shop or she hopped on a body doubling session online and she did X, Y, Z. She did it. And then she can celebrate. She can reward herself. She can start to rewire that framework inside of her of what success means. If she can start really feeling successful in the fact that she did what she promised herself that she would do, then I am convinced that because of the joy and energy that she will get from feeling successful on a regular basis, that the results she had hoped for in the past will be much more likely to come her way.
Why? Because she'll clearly be happy about what she's doing. She'll clearly be proud of herself and she won't be falling into a shame spiral. You all know what a shame spiral is. It's when you. Tell yourself you're bad for not accomplishing what you wanted to accomplish or doing what you thought you [00:08:00] were going to do or just whatever you feel bad about and you spiral down into this dark energy sucking place that is so not life giving to you or the people around you.
So if you're wanting to chase after a dream, I want you to shift your paradigm of what success is from a result to simply your integrity in doing the thing that you said you were going to do. I bet you anything that you will start to see the results too, but that won't be where you find your value.
You're not going to find your value in what your results are. That is such a trap, you guys. It's such a trap and it's never ending. Did you know that? Because once you get those results... You're just going to want more and more and more and you're never actually going to feel super successful. But as you align with your values and do the things that you said [00:09:00] you were going to do, your level of success, the feeling of success inside of your body and your mind is going to grow so much.
If that's what you're focusing on, I love this conversation. I think it's so interesting how we all kind of end up in this paradigm of getting stuck in what we think success means. And I think growing up and living in a capitalistic culture where your value really is it by nature, just based on how our systems work, your value is determined by your accomplishments, but let's reframe that.
Let's see value in being us and being true to who we are. That's where true joy and true success truly is. And I hope that we can all find that if this was helpful for you or you think it would be helpful for a friend, would you [00:10:00] share this podcast with someone? That would mean so, so much to me. And if you could rate and review as well, that'd be amazing.
Guys coming up soon, I have a guest that is going to be. blowing your mind. You're going to love her. So make sure you subscribe to the show. This guest is coming up soon. Um, I cannot wait to share this interview with you. You're going to just absolutely love it. That's all I can say, but just, you don't want to miss it.
So make sure you hit that subscribe button. Um, again, Write a review, rate the show, it helps so much. We're gonna get this ball rolling with some more and more guests and continuing to just hope to encourage you and strengthen your hearts and help you to know that you matter. I will talk to you all next time.
Bye guys.[00:11:00]