S2E20: REPLAY - Don't Get Caught in a Healing Vortex!

October 13, 2023 Gabrielle Kelley

Heyyyy friend! I have some AMAZING guests and episodes coming up right around the corner, and as we get ready for that I wanted to post this replay of the most popular solo episode of this podcast to date! Enjoy!

---- Today I wanted to talk with you about the dangers of getting caught up in a healing vortex. Something we trauma survivors can often end up doing is becoming soooo focused on our healing journey that it actually becomes detrimental. Let's chat about some of the warning signs of being so consumed with how we are healing that it's hindering our healing. Should be a good chat! (oh, with some funny interruptions from my dog along the way. #reallife) Did you like this episode? Shoot me a message and let me know! ALSO - *very important* - your ratings and reviews are what get this podcast out into the world, so if you can take a moment to leave a rating and review, it would mean so much. Thank you!

Connect with Gabi:

(TRANSCRIPT) S2E20: REPLAY - Don’t Get Caught in a Healing Vortex!

Note: Transcript is created by AI. Please excuse any errors.

Gabi: . [00:00:00] Without further ado, let me welcome you to this recording of Pain to Passion Live today. I wanted to just for a few minutes chat with you about not getting caught up in a healing vortex. What does this mean? What do I mean by that? Well, I have seen too many people decide, Like, okay, I need to heal from trauma.

I need to heal from my past, which is wonderful. Sorry, my dog just walked in. That, that was that sound. But I've, I've seen too many people decide like, they're gonna heal from trauma, they're gonna heal from their past, and then they get completely sucked into this vortex where it's literally all that they think about, all that they do, all that they work on, all the time.[00:01:00]

And while I understand it, because I, too, tend to get, like, slightly obsessive when I start to learn about new things, I understand how when you realize, like, you have a trauma history and you need to do healing work, that... It's very easy to get caught up in like, okay, I need to read this book. I need to read that book.

I need to engage in this healing modality. I need to hire that coach. I need to be recognizing my triggers all the time. I need to be doing all of these things. I get it, but it's not. actually going to be that beneficial for you. So, again, like, I completely understand how this happens and it happened to me.

But I also found out how detrimental that it can be for your mental health to feel like, now that you know you have a trauma history and you want to work on your healing to vortex of it that it's all you think [00:02:00] about. I want you to know that you can and should continue to live your life. Even when you've decided like, okay, I recognize I have a trauma history and I need to do something about it.

Even when you recognize that this, you guys hear me, please. This does not have to become your full time job. It doesn't. Now. I know it's kind of funny for me to say that because this is what I talk about all the time, um, this is what I coach on, this is how I spend a lot of my time, but I'm really intentional to not let this consume my life because I have seen what this has done to other people, specifically trauma survivors, where it is obsessively what their life is completely about.

Now here's some of the dangers of that. One of the dangers of that is [00:03:00] that you'll see absolutely everything as a trigger. Everything. And that is not healthy. Sometimes, did you know that sometimes life is literally just hard? No matter who you are, you don't have to be a trauma survivor for hard things to feel hard.

Sometimes things are legitimately just... And so when you feel like, oh my gosh, this situation is really difficult. It doesn't always mean like you're having a trauma response or you're being triggered. We don't want to overanalyze every single response that we have to the point where We feel like every time we have a negative response to something, it's because we're being triggered.

Maybe, maybe, just maybe, the thing that feels hard to you right now feels hard to you because it's hard. And that's okay. It's okay to admit that, it's okay to say that, and it's [00:04:00] okay to just work through it, like, In a normal way, which could even just be, like, calling a friend and saying, Hey, you know what?

This stinks. Do you want to go get pizza? Like, anything to get my mind off of this right now. You don't have to overanalyze it and, like, trauma therapist yourself. Constantly. It's not healthy. Okay? The other thing is that it can mess with your personality. Which, I do know that... Chronic trauma survivors, complex trauma survivors, are often trying to figure out what their personality actually is.

I, I completely get that, but it can mess with your personality in that it's going to make you feel like there's something wrong with you 24 7 and you will become more serious. More in the doldrums, more [00:05:00] overly pensive than you need to be. And I don't want that for you. You know what? You've missed out on enough joy in your life.

You don't need to be thinking about this all the time, to the point where it changes your personality, and it makes you into this person who's always just, like, down. You're down and you're down and you're down because everything is like, Oh man, my trauma was triggered by blah blah blah. this thing is happening and it's, it's messing with my mental health because blah blah blah.

Those are all fine things to say, of course. What I'm trying to tell you is you do not have to put everything into this framework of, oh it's, it's touching on my trauma, oh it's touching on my trauma. It can really mess with your personality and it can really mess with your mood in a way that's not healthy.

You're gonna struggle enough. With your [00:06:00] mood, if you are a complex trauma survivor, trust me, I know, you don't need to put extra pressure on yourself by thinking that literally everything needs to be about how it's affecting your trauma, how it's triggering you, what it means about your past, what it means about your future, like that's just too much for anyone and I understand how easy it is to get there, especially in this world where There is such an overload of information about mental health, right?

There's pros and cons to this. The pros are, like, everyone is aware of mental health now, and that is wonderful. I'm so glad that there is so much attention on mental health. The cons... Of this are that because people are posting about it all the time, talking about it all the time, analyzing their lives [00:07:00] through a trauma lens all the time, that you may start to think that that is how you need to spend all your time too.

But as we all know, social media is not reality. Any kind of media is not your reality. Like, your reality is your life. So my point really in all of this is to say, if you're doing the healing work, kudos to you. Props, major props. I'm so proud of you for doing the work that you are doing to heal from trauma.

But you do not have to focus on it. I want you to look at your life and look at the things that bring you peace, look at the things that bring you fun, look at the things that bring you joy, and do more of those things. Okay? You still deserve to have fun and do the things that you [00:08:00] enjoy, even when you decide that you're going to heal from trauma, okay?

Set aside specific times during your week where you may focus on your trauma recovery. Ideally, that will be in therapy, right? And following therapy, you might have some homework from your therapist, or you might have some things come up that you want to journal about. Put a limit on it. Put a limit on it.

The reason why this is so important for me to bring up is because being in this space, I've met plenty of people who are working chronically on recovering from their trauma. And the thing that I see in common with the people who are chronically working on their trauma, like, literally, it's almost all that they can think about is that they are not happy.

They're not getting any happier, and their healing has been stifled. Because it's [00:09:00] too much focus, too much saturation in one area. It hasn't been good for their mental health, and I worry about them. And I don't want that for you. My dog is now drinking water. I'm really sorry if you can hear that. But this is real life.

If you saw my reel yesterday, I posted a reel about how I live in this tiny house. Hey, Trixie. Come here. Sit. You can't eat right now. Sit down. Sit. Sit. Sit. Thank you. Um, I live in this tiny house. Um, and we're just all up in each other's spaces all the time. And I can't avoid things like my dog decides to eat.

You really can't do that right now. I'm sorry. Sit down. And how like this is my real life. This is real life and I can't put a filter over everything in my life to make it like palatable for everyone, but [00:10:00] that is a distraction from what I was saying. Um, but it, it actually feeds in very well to what I'm saying is I want you to live your real life alongside of healing from your trauma.

Those two things will converge, and if you're working with a trauma informed therapist, there should be a scaffolding there where you feel more embodied in your real life, you feel more present in your real life, you can actually enjoy the good things in your real life more and more. Um, but it's not this over consumption, all consuming thing.

Don't... Put yourself into a victim mode anymore. Don't even be a victim to overanalyzing your trauma recovery, okay? You don't deserve that. You deserve to have joy. You deserve to truly heal. You deserve to find the things that lighten your load. The people, the relationships, the activities. [00:11:00] Do those things.

Enjoy your life. Chase your dreams. I always say it's so important for us to keep chasing our dreams even while we're healing from trauma, and this is a big reason why. Because we've got to stay focused on how we want to move into our futures and not get stuck in the present or the past. I hope that's helpful for you guys.

Sorry it was a little dis Jointed with the dog and everything, but this is real life. I love you dearly. This episode of the podcast will release on Friday, and I look forward to chatting with you guys again next week for another episode of pain to passion live. I'll also have a great guest coming up again on Tuesday.

And if you missed my episode that released this past Tuesday, it's amazing. My friend, Jana Johnson shared about her recovery from Lyme disease. You do not want to miss it. Um, be blessed, find joy, take a deep breath, relax a little, and know that [00:12:00] God knows how to order your steps and how to get you healed.

So enjoy your lives, live your lives, and find healing, my friends. Talk to you next time.