On today's episode of Pain to Passion Live I am chatting with one of my all-time favorite humans, Amberly Lago.

This incredible woman has a heart of gold and has been such a good and wonderful mentor and friend to me and many others. If this is your first time hearing from her, you are gonna be blown away! And if you've known of her for a long time, you are still in for a TREAT.

We had such a deep and vulnerable conversation about different aspects of Amberly's story - from her childhood of having to cope with abuse, her discovery of dance as her passion, and how through the incredible trials she's faced as an adult - including having her leg crushed in a motorcycle accident and getting diagnosed with a chronic pain disease called CRPS - she has found that being of service to others is one of the main things that has kept her going. She talks about seeing each individual person and knowing how they uniquely matter, and how if she can touch one person's life, her work is worth it.

I know you are going to absolutely love this time with the resilience queen, the gratitude guru, the beautiful soul that is Amberly Lago.

Text the word "Grit" to Amberly at 818-214-7378 for a free resource called How to Get Through Anything and Thrive!

Please subscribe, rate, and review if you are loving this podcast! Thank you so much!!

More about Amberly:

Amberly Lago is a Peak Performance Coach, TEDx Speaker, Podcaster, and leading expert in the field of resilience and transformation. She is the best-selling author of True Grit and Grace and the founder of “UNSTOPPABLE Life Mastermind.” Through her book, coaching methods, and masterminds she has curated unique tools to teach others how to tap into their superpower of resilience and elevate their lives and businesses. She is also the host of the revolutionary True Grit and Grace Podcast, in which she delves deep with the world’s brightest thought-leaders and elite performers to showcase heartfelt, true stories of struggles and success to inspire you to keep your eyes on the prize and forge ahead.

Amberly has most recently been featured on NBC’s The Today Show, The Doctors, Hallmark, and featured in magazines such as Shape, Fit Pregnancy, Yahoo, Forbes, USA Today, LA Style, Health Magazine, Keynote Speaker Magazine and Disability Magazine.

Connect with Amberly:

Instagram - @amberlylagomotivation

Website - amberlylago.com

Connect with Gabi:

Instagram - @gabiruth

TikTok - @gabiruth84

Website - GabiRuth.com

(TRANSCRIPT) Ep. 13: Being of Service is Like Medicine - Amberly Lago

Gabi: Hello again, beautiful listeners, welcome back to Pain to Passion Live. Today is such a thrill and such a joy for me because I get to talk with one of my most beautiful, amazing, incredible favorite people, Amberly Lago. Hi Amberly, thank you so so much for being here with me today.

Amberly: This is the highlight of my day for real. Seriously, I love you. You guys, I know you listen to her show because you love her too, but she's the most amazing, incredible, beautiful, giving, loving soul. And I just want you to know I keep your card. This is the card, your handwritten card. I keep it on my desk. And also y'all, she sent me a coloring book. It's on my desk too.

Gabi: Everyone needs a coloring book. Oh, you're so sweet.

Amberly: You are amazing. And it has been incredible to get to know you, um, over the years through your book first. Like the first edition of your book?

Gabi: Yes, the first edition.

Amberly: And then through events. And now even more so because I get to spend like one on one time with you through the mastermind that we are doing together or we're in, you're in my mastermind and, and then, um, I just love seeing you soar, so I'm sorry, I'm a fan girl and I'm just going on.

Gabi: So sweet. You just totally made my day. Thank you so much.

Amberly: No, I'm amazed by all that you have done and also your new edition to your new book is so exciting.

Gabi: I'm very excited about that. You guys will hear more about that coming soon.

Amberly: Oh, did I get, was it a spoiler alert?

Gabi: No, definitely not a spoiler. I, I talk about it, but it's not, you know, like out yet. It’s not “official.”

Amberly: Okay. Well, it's amazing. Like I had to make myself put it down, like put it down and get to work. Like, oh my gosh.

Gabi: You're so, so sweet. Thank you so much. So yeah, Amberly, I've known her for about two years now.

Amberly: Um, I feel like it's longer than that.

Gabi: You know, some relationships are just like that, right?

Amberly: Like, yeah. Yeah. I feel like we've known each other forever, really.

Gabi: Honestly. I met you because you spoke at Brook Hemingway's virtual align event in 2021.  

Amberly: Oh, is that what? That's where it was?

Gabi: Yes. So I had actually never even heard of you before that.

And you got on that screen and I was sitting in my bed. You know everyone's in quarantine and you started sharing your story and I was like, Ooh, I like this lady. Like there's just something about her that just resonates with me and her light and her warmth. And so I was like, I have to get to know her. And I remember, I actually remember Amberly, the first time that I reached out to you was on Instagram in dms, which by the way, if you guys don't follow Amberly on Instagram, do it because she is so genuine and warm and she has created a beautiful community.

Really, really amazing. Um, but I reached out to you in a DM and asked you a question and I remember, cause I was walking through my neighborhood, there were like birds singing and I sent you a message and you voice messaged me back and I was amazed, cause you sent me a voice message back and that's, that's where it all started.

Amberly: So, oh my goodness. And I just wanna say I remember that event. It was a big event Brooke Hemingway did. And I was so honored to be asked to speak at this event. And Trent Shelton was speaking, I think Chalene Johnson, like Tiff Peterson, she had some big speakers and I was so grateful to be a speaker at her event, and I was so new to doing things virtually.

I'm not one for fancy slides or anything like that. I mean, five years ago I didn't even own a computer, so, like, it's amazing to me that we are on, I'm on a computer and have a mic and a ring light and all the things and it just goes to show that like, it doesn't matter how old you are, how much you think you don't know, um, It's never too late to start.

You just gotta start because when you do, you can make the most amazing connections and build the most amazing relationships along the way. And so, yeah, I'm so grateful for you and that her event brought us together.

Gabi: Yes, me too. So I have been just a huge fan and just love everything about you. And like Amberly mentioned, I'm in her Unstoppable Life Mastermind now.

So incredible. I feel super, super honored to be part of that group of amazing women and led by the fearless leader that you are. So it's just been so much fun, um, getting to know you and, um, being able to glean so much from you. You're an amazing human and I don't know, I think some of my audience probably doesn't know who you are.

Amberly: I'm sure most of 'em don't. Not many people do.

Gabi: Oh, please.

Amberly: I was surprised. So let tell you, I was at the gym. I was at the gym, uh, yesterday, and this guy came up to me. So we just moved back to Texas and this guy comes up to me and goes, Amberly, Hey, I'm so and so. I grew up with you in Texas. I had no idea who he was, by the way.

Wow. I was like, I have no idea who you are, but I was like, wow. Hey, good to see you. I'm surprised you recognized me. Uh, cuz it's been 31 years. But, but you, you never know. I just remember though, the first time that someone did actually come up to me and say, oh my gosh, are you Amberly Lago? You're the author of True Grit and Grace.

And I'm like, oh. Yeah, well what, you know who I am. Like I was blown away. But yeah, I'm sure most of your audience, um, has never heard of me cause a lot of people haven't. But it's always like a pleasant surprise when someone does say hi to me, crossing the street.  

Gabi: You’re so sweet and so adorable and very modest, but I'm sure it happens to you regularly now.

But I do know that those who don't know you need to know you. So I would love for you, even though we've talked here for a few minutes, I would love for you to kind of just give us an intro like, who is Amberly? What do you do? What are you about? Just tell us a little bit like what you would want people to know about you.

Amberly: Um, I would say that my favorite thing to do is to build community and support and empower other women. And I think what has helped me so much get through some of the hardest times of my life is being of service and offering support. And practicing gratitude, and I say that, you know, um, like you, Gabi, I know you, you've had some really difficult things that you've had to overcome and that you deal with, and the PTSD from that.

Um, for me, I didn't have the perfect childhood as most of us don't have a perfect childhood. You know, there was sexual abuse, um, there was, uh, alcoholism, there was a lot of like a lot of things that in the moment, like I thought that was normal and I thought that's how it was supposed to be, and I didn't realize that until I was an adult and had my own child from my current husband now who's a loving, amazing father and he loves our daughter the way he does it, Oh, that's what it's supposed to be like. But, so I spent so much of my time from the time that I was sexually abused, starting at eight years old, um, into high school, running from pain and running towards like all achievements and success and trying to make something of my life. I mean, and in school I was a straight A student, I grad, graduated an honor roll student, all the things.

But it wasn't until later on in life when, you know, I had had the successful career. I had the, you know, huge business I built up in the fitness industry and that I had all these fitness trainers that I employed, and I was sponsored by Nike. It wasn't until I was hit by an SUV while riding my motorcycle home from work one day, and I was confined to a hospital bed for months at a time that I realized I had spent most of my life running from pain and running towards success. And it was like, wow. I had no idea how to process so many feelings or emotions, and it led me down a spiral of despair. And so a lot of people will think like going through, you know, I woke up out of a coma from a motorcycle accident being told I had a 1% chance of saving my leg from amputation, and I had 34 surgeries to save my leg from amputation, and that wasn't actually my darkest moment.

My darkest moment came later when I got home from the hospital. It was like I was diagnosed with this disease called complex regional pain syndrome, which there's supposedly no known cure. It's ranked highest on the pain scale. It's nicknamed the suicide Disease because it's like gasoline is going through your veins, and a V grip is on my leg.

That's what it feels like, like all the time. And pain can be really hard on you, not just physically, but hard on you mentally. Like it can shorten your patience for sure. As far as being a good mom. A patient mom, um, a nice loving wife. It affects the whole family unit. And, um, what I've learned through this process of the surgeries and being diagnosed with this disease and getting through $2.9 million worth of medical expenses and building my life back up to where we just bought a house here in Dallas when we had a lien on our house at one time to building up a whole new career and reinventing myself. It's been, there's been so many life lessons and so many lessons along the way. Lessons of resilience, um, lessons on self-development, spiritual lessons.

Just so many lessons. And so I'm an open book as far as to where you wanna go and how you're, I can best serve your audience, um, whether it is on the trauma, whether it is on the pain, whether it is on the business. Um, I'm here to serve you and your audience. But yeah, it, it's, it's been a wild ride for sure.

Gabi: Yeah, no kidding. I think probably everyone who's listening could probably relate to at least one piece of what you just shared. And the thing that hit me most when you started talking was how you learned early, like running hard and running away was like how you survived, right? And honestly, it makes so much sense that that's what you did based on the experiences that you were having, and I think a lot of us do that in some way or another. We all are chasing safety in some way, right? Our baseline is like, how do I get safe? How do I find safety.

Amberly: That is so important, isn't it?

Gabi: Yes. It. It is.

Amberly: When you've been through trauma to feel safe as you're like, for me, that's like, that's what I want. Like I, and, and to, to try to describe that to someone who's never been through trauma, they don't, it doesn't hit them quite the same, but when you describe that to someone who's been through trauma, like I can share that with my sponsor, like how I just wanna feel safe. And it's crazy, Gabi, like, I still go to the bathroom with the door locked in my own home. How crazy is that? Like, but, and I sat on a sofa today in our new home and I sat there and I thought, I feel safe here. Like, it feels safe. You never know what can trigger that and make you feel unsafe.

And so, yeah. I'm sorry, I, I kind of cut there. But I mean, talking to you, it's like we speak the same language and to understand that safety is a priority, but, but yeah. And running. Shoot, I was just running to prove that I was worthy. Cause I felt so unworthy and felt so full of shame that when I was getting first place and all the track mates and honor roll and straight A's and you know, a hundred plus, uh, and talented and gifted program, it was like, see, I am worthy.

See, I am worthy of being loved.

Gabi: Yeah. I can relate to that so much that just performing to the extreme, like having to be extraordinary at everything you did in order to feel any kind of value, feel worthwhile, feel like you could be loved. Maybe it was the only opportunity for you to get like praise from some people or just feel accepted.

Amberly: Like it wasn't even praise for me. Yeah, that would've been nice, but it wasn't even praise for me. It was just like, can you accept me. Can you just look at me? Can you just, and I think we all want to feel seen and loved and heard and understood, and I was just like, Hey, can you just please like, accept me? Like please. It's, it's just crazy.

And you know, my brothers grew up in the same environment. One of my brothers, well, both of my full blood brothers, I have a half brother too, who's completely disabled and he lives in an assisted living home. He can't walk or talk or anything. He's been that way his whole life. He had brain damage when he was born, and then my older two brother, my younger brother, and my older brother instead.

Like me, I ran for, how can I go towards something that makes me feel good, which is, let me achieve more, let me do more. They got into unhealthy habits like drinking and drugging. And so it goes to show you that trauma is trauma and we will find ways to escape. Absolutely no matter what, and it's usually not healthy unless we do the work, the work to heal it.

Gabi: Yeah. So where do you think that that originated for you? Like that? Just such a lack of being seen to the extent that every child needs to be seen, to the point that it motivated you, like to have your own addiction really of achievement. What, what do you think, where do you think that came from in you, in your story?

Amberly: Um, you know, well, I think that when all this was happening, I think that I went to, I wanna do something that, something that makes me feel good and for me, something that made me feel good was dancing. My mom luckily put me in dance classes. I was a big tomboy, and I think maybe she thought it was the girly thing to do, and dancing brought me joy, but it brought me even more joy when I could dance for other people and I would see them smile and they would clap and they would laugh and they loved it.

And so that brought me joy. And so I was determined to take as many dance classes as I could. If that meant scrubbing the toilets at the dance studio, working in the office at the dance studio, whatever I had to do to get to be better. Um, I was willing to do the work, but I also saw that like how, um, running made me feel good.

It makes sense now. I didn't know it at the time. What it did for me was, well it running obviously and it boost your endorphins, so it released these feel good chemicals in my body. Naturally. That made me feel good when I got first place. Oh wow. That was another dopamine hit, like first dopamine, let’s keep winning girl.

And when I ran it was the first time in my life that I really, really felt connected to God. Cause running on the track out in nature is when I connected with God and I prayed. And I remember this one distinct moment so vividly. I was on the track and I was struggling, and I remember praying. God, please help me.

I just need to get through this. And I swear it felt like a wave of wind behind me that helped me keep run, that helped me, kept that I kept running. And it was so vivid in my mind. I was in eighth grade and I remember that feeling and thinking, whoa, this prayer is powerful. And to this day, maybe it was a gust of wind, or maybe it was God's hand on my back pushing me forward.

Who knows? But I chose to believe it was God's hand. And, um, I think that all those things that I turned to saved me and I let the pain push me before I allowed the passion to pull me. And when I was 18, I worked four jobs to save up $1,200 to move to California, and that pain pushed me to work really hard and bust my butt and save up money so I could move to California.

When I got to California, my passion pulled me, and I got to do things that I dream. I mean, I had only dreamed of doing these things my whole life, and so I don't think that we are defined by our circumstances because I'm living proof. I mean, I, with me and my brothers and how we've come up the same way, but ended up so differently. Our, our circumstances don't define us. It's what we choose to do with what's left. It's what we choose to do and believe in ourself and go forward with courage and keep moving forward and make something out out of our life. And so, yes, it's mindset and it's belief. But then it's action. And so many people I feel like wanna manifest or think about or dream of it.

But no, you gotta take action. You gotta do the work. It's about the grit.  

Gabi: Yeah. Absolutely. And you're, I mean, you're such a living example of that, and I think what's so cool, like I'm piecing all these fun things together in my brain about your story, but I think what's so cool is a lot of what you did as a young person came from like the need to have an outlet to find joy, to feel better, to feel good. And I see this over and over again in people's lives where a lot of that manifested out of pain. You found your solution for you that you had to do in order to survive and be okay in those moments. And then you're talking about you're 18, you move, and suddenly it turned into your passion.

And that's what was pulling you and um, inspiring you to keep going and kept the strength and kept you invigorated to keep going. And I know that your passion pulling you is still something that defines you to this day. But it's amazing to me like cuz I'm totally a God girl, that those circumstances that shouldn't have been when you were a child, like they were not healthy what happened as a child to you, you know? But God still saw you and said here, like, here's your pathway. Here are your solutions, and how that's turned into turns into your passion and what continues to motivate you. Like I just think that that is so amazing and so beautiful. Plus you have this grit inside of you that you wouldn't have had if you hadn't faced difficulties.

Now, you mentioned that your story is so different than your brothers’ stories. Um, the way that you have chosen to face life and, that's so true. Like we can face similar circumstances to other people, but what, what do you think it really has been inside of you that has continued to motivate you towards, um, I, I'd say away from bitterness and away from despair and towards hope, and towards service and to continue to keep going cuz I think that's a really unique thing inside of  you.

Amberly: Oh, well I think you said it when you said service because I have always loved, I mean, ever since I was a little kid and my mom tells me stories that I’m blown away by, but about like when I was little, but I don't remember.

But I have always loved helping people. Um, I mean from the time I was in, in school and student council and a volunteer and helping. But I really think that what has helped me is when you can get out of yourself and stop like focusing on, oh, all these things that are going on that are wrong or that you're in pain or that you can start to focus on someone else and see how you can be of service.

It's medicine. It helped me get through, and I'll give you an example, when I was in the hospital, The first time, and this was like after my motorcycle accident and my leg was held together with these steel bars and they, I would wake up every day and they're like, we're gonna try to save it today. We're gonna have one more surgery.

It was always like, one more, one more. Try to piece it back together. And I remember getting on the phone with a client of mine and she obviously didn't know how the severity of my surgery, and she had called me. I think I'd reached out to her to say, I think I might have to reschedule her appointment. I was like, didn't know how long I was gonna be in the hospital and how long I'd be out of work, which was for a year and I actually ended up never training that client again, but we're still friends to this day. But I was on the phone with her and she called me crying and she was very upset because she found out she was pregnant and she wasn't ready to have another baby, and blah, blah, blah. And I ended up getting off the phone with her, promising her to babysit when I got outta the hospital, and it made me feel good.

It gave her comfort. And it was like, oh, it took, it took my mind off of any self pity or any doubts or any anxiety that I had in that moment. So it goes that way no matter what. Like if I am really nervous about doing a talk or even recording a solo cast for my podcast episode, I'm like, Amberly, get outta your ego.

Like, why are you doing this? You're not doing this for, for me, I'm doing this to serve others. And I'll never forget the first time I ever was, um, asked to go speak in front of an audience, and it was front, in front of a bunch of financial advisors, realtors, bankers, and I was like, I can't believe they want me.

Why do they want me to come speak to them? Like, oh my gosh. I was freaking out. And I, I called my dad on the way there and I was like, oh my gosh, dad, I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous, blah, blah, blah. He goes, well, why would you wanna do public speaking? Don't you know, that's the number one fear other than death itself.

And I'm like, thanks dad. You're not making me feel better. He goes, but wait. He goes, remember something? This isn't about you. This is about the people you serve. And I was like, wow, he's so right. And the minute I take my mind off of me and my ego and my pride and I start focusing on like, why did I start this in the first place?

It was because I wanted to impact one person. And I noticed that's something that you said in your writing. Gabi in your, in the very first intro of your book is like, if this book touches one person. And that's how I started. And I got off the phone with my best friend, um, on Thanksgiving, and she was like, Hey, I'm so proud of you.

All the things that you're doing, like all these events that you're speaking at, like you're speaking with John Maxwell and Ed Mylett and you're doing your own event and blah, blah, blah. And I just remember back when you didn't even own a computer and you were having trouble figuring out how to send an email.

I was like, yeah, it wasn't that long ago. And she's like, I'm just really proud of you. She goes, I remember when you told me you wanted to write your book because you wanted to impact one person. And I wrote that down because sometimes it can get kind of crazy in life, and the hustle and the bustle and the holidays and the family get togethers and the challenges and everything that we go through. And we have to focus on why did we start doing what we're doing in the first place? Like what is our why? and um, I've had to do that a lot recently. You know, why did I start, what do I love doing? What sets my heart on fire? And so anybody listening to this that you're like, oh, wow, well, you're lucky you had a passion, or you have your purpose.

Well, I didn't know exactly what I was gonna start doing after I'd lost my career. And I had to start by asking myself, okay, well what does bring me joy? What would I do? Every single day, even if I didn't get paid and I didn't get paid for a long time, and believe me, my husband got really sick of it after being an entrepreneur for about two years and, and being in the hole or barely breaking even, he'd be like, when are you going to give this up? And I'm like, I've got this vision. It's gonna pan out. Just hang on. And so I think we have to trust our vision, feed positivity into our vision, and then surround ourself with people who believe in us and believe in our vision and support us every step of the way.

That's why I'm hanging out with you.

Gabi: And that's why I'm hanging out with you! Yes, I mean, talking about that one person, when you have that focus of if there's one person that this can impact today, or if what I'm writing right now will help one person not give up on their life or whatever it is. If that continues to be like the posture of your heart and how you think you're going to impact a lot of people, right, but it's because those people, and I know a lot of people have experienced this with you, it's those people feel as individuals like they're valued by you because if you are going out and trying, being like, I'm going to reach X amount of people today with this amazing message that I have, or whatever I have to say, then those people are just part of a group. Like they're a nameless, faceless glob. And they'll feel that from you. Like, oh, I'm just like one of these nameless faces. People, like maybe something you said inspires me, but it doesn't feel personal to me.

But the way you serve and the way that people like you serve is in this way of like, I want to impact individuals. And all of those individuals add up to a lot of people, right? But it's because like me, as an individual, I feel seen and understood by you as a person. You see me even if I'm in a crowd.

Does that make sense? To have this sense of like, everyone's an individual. We're not just a whole group. I was, I'm like such a Bible nerd sometimes, and..

Amberly: I love that. Like it's my husband. I go to church. My husband doesn't go to church with me. He can quote stuff from the Bible, and I'm like, how do you know that?

I, I was zoning out in Bible school. Ok. I have to admit it. But I love that you're a Bible nerd and I love that you include it in your writing in your book.  

Gabi:  Oh, thank you. Yeah. I mean, it's been, that was my life-saving tool as a kid, which still amazes me to this day. It's like it's crazy how much that that has meant to me.

But just this morning I was reading the end of Philippians, the book of Philippians, and at the end of Philippians, it's Paul, the Apostle Paul who writes the book of Philippians and he says, greet each of the saints in Jesus. And he did not say, greet all of the saints in Jesus. Which made me think it's like this, what you're saying.

This is me geeking out. By the way, this is what I do. But he, he said that specifically the wording that he used even in the Greek was, Greet each of the saints, like every single one of them needs to be greeted face to face. Like we all need that face to face. Like you matter. You matter. Every individual matters.

And when you're, what I'm trying to say is when you're driven from that space of like, I want to impact individuals, it really changes the way that you serve. It changes the way that you show up. It changes the way, even how you feel about social media. I know there are days when I'm like, oh man, I worked so hard on this reel . Like nobody likes it. Oh, but wait a minute. 14 people. If 14 people like it. Okay. That's 14 Individual people whose lives matter.

Amberly: And it's the same for a podcast. When you're getting downloads, you know, when I first started my podcast and I was getting 250 downloads an episode, I'm like, oh my gosh, I, that costs so much money to produce that.

And so much time and the effort that went behind and only 250 people saw it and. Is it worth it? Should I keep going? Like, well, actually I didn't ask myself that even, and I didn't look at downloads in the beginning, but it was about a year into it where I was like, wow a lot of work, a lot of money, a lot of time.

Is it worth it? And I was committed. I was like, let me give it a year. Let me, and, and I was like, is it worth the downloads? And I had to go, you know, It is worth the downloads because the people that are listening to this and like today, let me tell you, I, I looked on Chartable and I was like, oh my gosh, last week was the worst downloadable week I've had since I started my podcast. It, I mean, I was like, and I had like a legend. I had like the, the, Tony Robbins, who's known as the Tony Robbins of Persia on the show. And you're like, oh, I've got a, I've got a superstar on the show, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I didn't get any downloads. And I mean, well, I got some, but I was like, you know what? It was Thanksgiving people were their families and I... It doesn't matter. It matters the people that did hear the show, you know, and focus on that, and just moving forward, and you know what that is, honestly, I was like, I'm not paying attention to numbers or any of that, and I'm just focusing on my intention on why I'm doing it.

And I did not even realize that my podcast became a top 1% podcast on Apple globally. I didn't even know that. I had a friend find out, she screenshotted me and sent it to me. She goes, Amberly, you realize your podcast is top 1% on Apple, right? And I'm like, what? Really? That's crazy. No, I've just been like doing the work, focusing on what I'm doing, like focusing on my attention, putting my head down, going forward, and you know, and so, yeah.

Gabi: It's so good. I love that. I love that you are just like so focused on what you knew you were meant to do and your why, which by the way, I was thinking about this earlier cuz you have this book, which here it is for anyone watching the video version, true Grit and Grace.

Amberly: Take a picture, a screenshot.

I need your book. I haven't even unpacked all my books yet.

Gabi: Unpacking books is a big deal. If you're anything like me in your book hoarding.

Amberly: It is a big deal. . It's a big deal. It is a big deal. Yes, but I love books.

Gabi: This is such a good. For anyone listening, Amberly's book is wonderful. You, if you're loving listening to her talk.

The way that she writes is very similar, just like very engaging, very warm.

Amberly: Simple is what you're trying to say.

Gabi: Simple. In a good way. It's not complicated to read, but that's a good thing, and it's just very engaging and very relatable and amazing stories.

Amberly: Well, I love that I keep it short and sweet and easy to read.

Gabi: Yeah I don't think I have that gift, but it, it's an incredible book. But I was thinking earlier today because you've, you've mentioned, um, that you didn't have a computer until like five years ago, right?

Amberly: Yeah. It's almost six years ago now.

Almost six. Getting up there. I'm getting very tech savvy now.

Gabi: But you wrote, you wrote a book, okay. And something in, you said you need to write a book, and this was what you did. Like you were a fitness trainer, you were a dancer, you were all of these other things, and you made this huge pivot, but there had to have been such a fire burning inside of you to say like, I'm gonna write a book when you don't even have a computer.

Right?

Amberly: Oh my gosh. Like, yeah, look, I wrote it on one of these notebooks. I still love these. I always have a notebook on on my desk. And so, and I had a lot of people that were like, you need to stick to fitness. You don't own a computer, you just, let's just, no, you're the fitness girl. And I was like, but all this could not have happened for no reason.

And I think we all have a story and I, you're listening to this right now, you have a story. And you have overcome something that somebody needs to learn about, read about, hear about, that's gonna help them. You are creating, you're maybe a couple of steps ahead or a few steps ahead of them, and they need to have your guidance. They need to have your story, to have that hope and inspiration. And so I kept thinking to myself, Well, if I can share this and share ways I got through it, then I can help somebody get through despair and have hope, and have the motivation to keep moving forward.

Gabi: And so you did it, you just did the dang thing.

Amberly: And you know what? I will just say, I mean, I hear some people talking. They're like, oh, so easy. It just poured out of me. And I'm like, It took me two years. It took me two years to write my book, so I'm not sitting here trying to say it was easy. It took me two years because I was in between surgeries.

I also got sober. In the end of writing my book, I really like living. It's very cathartic to write, and writing about the sexual abuse and, um, domestic abuse and so many other things that I wrote about. Um, it was very cathartic, but it took me down a path of where it felt like I was being drug over the cobble cobble stones, and to where I could get up on my feet again. And move forward. And so, um, and there was a lot of shame because I thought, you know, I was never a partier, never a drinker. And I was like, I'm so different from people in my family. I am not an addict. And then lo and behold, I'm an addict. And so, um, having to go for recovery and, and get sober in the middle of writing my book was hard.

Um, but I did put a little of that in there just so people know, like, yeah, man, life can be hard, but there are ways through it. And, uh, I, I share that because if I would could do it all over, I would definitely hire a coach or a mentor or getting a mastermind so I could time collapse that journey and do it a little faster.

Gabi: Yeah. You live and learn for sure. But you still got it done.  

Amberly:  And I guess I learned a lot of lessons along the way that I can now share with other people.

Gabi: That is definitely true.  

Amberly: Like get a mentor.

Gabi: Yes. So you're helping other people find their shortcuts because you didn't. Which is good for them. But I love that you, um, did share some of your sobriety story. And by the way, kudos on that whole journey because that is not a, an easy thing to do for anyone. And I think this goes full circle back to what we're talking about in the beginning about safety.

Um, one of the things that I hear time and time again about addiction is like, it's all based in trauma. Right? It's all based in that deep seated need of needing to find a place to be safe.

Amberly: Or quiet in the noise or escape the feelings. Um, escape the pain and yeah, my escape before was my athleticism and being a workaholic and creating this thing that I created, my business that I created when all that was stripped away and I had nothing and I was stuck in a hospital bed and nothing I was taking was helping for the pain. No medical treatments, no nothing. I remember having a glass of wine and thinking, oh wow, this kind of helps with the pain and this kind of helps me stuff these feelings down, and it worked until it didn't.

Gabi: Yeah. And we all, we all do it in our own ways, don't we? We do. It's that lack of being able to be in control, like you had no control over whether or not you could get out of pain. Like that's maddening for anybody. Like it's so maddening and we're all gonna find ways when we're in a situation where that's out of our control to dissociate, which is a big word, but for some of us, that's gonna be through alcohol. For some of us, like me, literally, I found out that I dissociated most of my life. Like, literally like my brain was like up here somewhere and my body was like way down here somewhere. And that's, that's what different addictions help us to do when we have no control because we, we can't find safety, so we just numb out in some kind of way.

Amberly: That's where eating disorders come from. Addictions come from all sorts, whether it's, whether it's porn or shopping. It's based outta trauma.

Gabi: Yeah, absolutely. But what you've done in getting sober in a community, you know, with the help of a community, is you find a new way to be functioning and to be safe and to be coping with that situation in a more healthy way. And that's really the goal for all of us, right? Is to find healthier ways to go through the difficulties of life that we're all going to face. And so much of that is about community, which again, you said at the very beginning, you're all about community.

You wanna create community for people, and I love that about you. So thank you. Just thank you for who you are and thank you for your example and for being vulnerable and authentic and showing the real, the raw, the ugly, the victories and everything in between, because it's so helpful for anyone who is trying to figure out how to do these things in a healthier way, to have purpose, to serve well, and to have the grit and the grace to move forward with their lives in a way that is meaningful, it means something.  

Amberly: Oh, oh. Well thank you. Thank you. I love you and I feel so honored to be on your show with your community. I know that you attract the most amazing people that I would resonate with for sure. Like I just like look on your Instagram and see, and yeah. I just want anyone listening to know you can, you have the power to change your life. It doesn't matter, um, how many times you have to start over. You get to start over and you get to decide who you wanna be and where you wanna be. And if I can climb my way out of, you know, debt and despair and addiction, what's to say, you know, anything anything's possible for anybody listening to go after their dreams, but I think it does really take community asking for help.

That's what changed my life is when I asked for help.

Gabi: That's a big deal.

Amberly: It's a big deal being able to ask for help. I'm sorry, I just got distracted. So my daughter, I'm looking out outside. My daughter keeps walking by the window trying to distract me.

Gabi: Aw, she's so cute.

Amberly: She's fun. She wants a pot belly pig for Christmas.

Gabi:  Oh my gosh. Of course she does. That's amazing.

Amberly: Of course, she does. And a goat. A cow. We have to decide on one.

Gabi: I love that so much. And you're such a good mom, by the way.

Amberly: You're amazing, mom.

Gabi: Aw, thank you. I'm doing my best.

Amberly: You know, you are. You're amazing. .

Gabi: Thank you. You're so sweet. Well, I appreciate your time so very much.

It's always just a joy to chat with you. I would love for our listeners to be able to connect with you, so if you can tell us what the best ways are to get involved with what you're doing and connect with you. I'll include everything in the show notes too, but if there's anything else you wanna share about how to connect and say before we go, we'd love to hear.

Amberly: Well, I would love to say to all your listeners to definitely be on the lookout for Gabi to be on stage in March, she's gonna be at the Unstoppable Success Summit in March. It's put on by the Unstoppable Life Mastermind, so you can find that at or amberlylago.com. Instagram is AmberleyLagoMotivation.

But details for the Unstoppable Life Mastermind, but I can't wait to see you on stage. But yeah, anything you, you can reach out to me, dm me. Um, and you know what, maybe I should give your listeners, um, A playbook to get, how to get through anything and thrive. Would that be helpful?

Gabi: That would be, yes. That would be amazing.

Amberly: Yeah. I'd like to give them as much as I can. I just appreciate you having me on the show. So if you just text me the word grit, just G R I T, just that. You can text me later and say, Hey, I heard you on Gabi's show, but just text me the word grit and then it will give you a free downloadable resource called, uh, How to Get Through Anything and Thrive.

Um, and it walks you through my signature PACER method on how to be resilient and um, And then text me and say Hey and whatever, and it's actually me texting you back. So it might take me, sometimes it takes me a day or two to get back to the messages, but it's actually me and it's so funny cause I've had people go, oh my gosh. This is really you. I'm like, yeah, no, it's me texting you back.

Gabi: You're so, so good at that. You're great at that.

Amberly: Oh my goodness. I love it. It actually, I think what keeps me going is being able to connect with other people.

Gabi: Definitely, yeah, it's a huge one and you're, you're very gifted at it.

So yeah, I'll include all of that in the show notes. You guys can check it out and definitely get that playbook. The PACER method's amazing, so you all will absolutely love that. But I love you, Amberly, you're such a joy.

Amberly: I love you.  Thank you so so much. I love you so much. Thank you, you so much for having me on, and I need to have you on my podcast, so we'll get that scheduled out too.

Gabi: I would love that. That would be amazing.

Amberly: Maybe we'll do that when your second edition of your book comes out.

Gabi: Oh, hey, that's a great idea. Fabulous. I love talking about, yeah. Well thank you my friend. Thank you. We'll chat soon. Bye.

Amberly: Bye.