Tár, the Truth About Narcissism, and Why it’s so Important to Heal

I went to see the movie Tár yesterday, mostly because…hello - CATE BLANCHETT!!

Honestly, it’s VERY artsy. They rolled the credits first just to make you squirm kind of artsy. And the whole film was really just like looking into someone’s life uninvited and happening upon their conversations and situations. Everything was left up to the audience to interpret.

But it was kind of magnificent and stomach roiling because of it. The protagonist- Lydia Tár - is a world-renowned conductor. Her achievements are many and she’s extraordinarily talented. You come to love her because of her weirdness and savant-like gifts. But the woman is a crazy narcissist, and ultimately you see that she burns through everyone around her - ultimately (SPOILER ALERT) …

causing her to have to start rewriting her carefully scripted persona and narrative from scratch.

I bawled. Not because of a magnificent story arc like in a “normal” movie, but because I felt it all in my gut. I have found myself on multiple occasions in my life getting close to an extraordinarily gifted person and finding their favor, even becoming sometimes in some ways their protégé. (There was a young woman named Francesca in this film who took on that particular role.) And when my gifts became too bright or when someone else came along who could be used up instead of me, I was disgraced and discarded. It’s narcissism at its finest, and it was shown in all its rawness and emotion on BOTH sides (the narcissist and the victim), and it just wrecked me.

There are so many broken and hurting people in this world, narcissists included. There are people who choose to continue down toxic paths until they find they will do ANYTHING they can to protect their persona, even if it means destroying other people’s lives.

AND there are people who have tried so hard to have their identity validated by people with charisma because of their own insecurities (this has been me) that they become perfect fuel to burn for those with narcissistic tendencies.

THIS IS WHY we have to heal!! And this is why we have to dig deep into understanding our identity as valued and loved people, created in the image of God. We have to know who we are. And when we really start to become whole and know who we are, we will stop being fooled by the glitter and charisma and by thinking it’s only what other people think or say about us that matters. Because it’s NOT. I have spent the past few years digging so deep into my healing. I hope you will do this, too. The more of us who do, the fewer stories like real-life Tár stories there will be.

Humans are precious. They are not pawns. Comparison is ugly. It is toxic and it is destructive.

Lastly, I am grateful to be part of the upside down Kingdom of Jesus - where the “last” are first and the “weak” are strong and the “poor” are rich, because it sure as heck keeps me humble and makes me see myself and others through a lens of Love.

Thank you for reading my stream of consciousness. I most definitely would not recommend this movie to everyone. But if you’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse and you walk into the film knowing it’s going to be viscerally portrayed (viscerally as in - the nuance of it is on full display. The “villain” is left open to interpretation)… it could be cathartic. Or it might just be triggering. Or maybe both. I most definitely woke up with an emotional hangover migraine this morning, but I don’t regret seeing the film.

PS Cate Blanchett was an absolute GENIUS, as expected.

PPS the orchestral pieces gave me full on chills in the theater’s surround sound. I nearly lost it during Elgar’s Cello Concerto in E Minor. Classical music nerds like myself will have a love/hate relationship with this film because the music is glorious, but there’s not enough of it.